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avatar bramm_q 11 year.agoJesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish...

Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Why did Hellen Keller driver her car off a cliff?

Because she’s a woman

2. What's the difference between an abortion and alcohol?

An abortion gets rid of the problem PERMANENTLY

3. What’s a zombie pedophile’s favourite pastime?

Cracking open a boy with the cold ones

4. Why did God create orgasms?

So women can moan even when they're happy.

5. There's a movie called beauty and the beast.

Imagine if roles were reversed and it was handsome and the feminist.

6. Michael J. Fox has unveiled a new type of font...

...It's called "parkin sans" and it's very difficult to read.

7. Why don't asians get cataracts?

They prefer to drive rincolns

8. What's black and eats ass?

Anal cancer

9. How do you find a black person?

Guilty

10. The murder rate among trans women of color is so high

You'd almost think they were black guys.

11. Cellphones are like kids.

If you can't find yours after a couple days, it's probably dead.

12. How do I know God is black?

We're all God's children and I don't know about you, but I've never even seen the bastard...

13. How do you get a Muslim's iPhone to explode?

Put it into airplane mode.

14. 4 gay guys are sitting in a hot tub

And a condom floats to the top so one says "ok guys, who farted?"

15. Why don't you ever see a black person with down syndrome?

God doesn't punish anyone twice.

16. Anybody know the first symptom of AIDS?

A pounding sensation in the ass

17. What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween?

free delivery

18. Girls are like blackjack..

I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.

19. What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling

20. How many black people does it take to start a riot?

-1

21. A black boy went into a cupbord in house to get some flour...

He put the flour all over his face, walked over to his mom, and said "look mama, im white!" His mom slapped him across his face and said, go show your father what youve done. So he walks over to his father and says "look papa, im white!" His father slapped him across his face and sent him back to his mother. "Well?," his mother said, "did you learn anything?" "Yeah," said the little black boy, "i learned that ive been white for 5 minutes and i already hate you fucking niggers"

22. What do you call a female-owned corporation?

Inherited.

23. I confessed to the priest that I had masturbated...

whilst thinking of my sister. "That's a terrible sin," he said, "especially as you have a gorgeous younger brother." ____________ x-post: r/sickipedia

24. Did you know Mike Tyson and Tiger Woods shared a nickname as children?

Nigger.

25. Debates in the commentary section are like the Special Olympics

Win or lose, you're still retarded.

26. Why don't jews eat pussy?

Because it's too close to the gas chamber

27. What kind of punch can take out 40 first graders?

A Sandy Hook.

28. I don't get school shooting jokes

I guess they are aimed for younger audience

29. What does a burned pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

An idiot who forgot to take it out on time.

30. I called the Child Abuse Hotline...

A kid answered, called me a cunt and told me to fuck off.

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