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avatar Certain_Passion1630 26 day.agoA gangster walks into a bar.

Shots all around.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. How do you say goodbye to 230,000 Indonesians?

A big wave.

2. Why is SpaceX going to Mars?

Because SpaceY already went to Uranus.

3. I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile...

The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box...

4. A lawyer, a nigger, a Muslim, an illegal immigrant, a retard, and a Communist walk into a bar

The bartender asks "What will it be, Mr. President?"

5. I like my women how I like my towers.

As twins and quick to go down.

6. A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase...

He asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to Chicago. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free." Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year."

7. A Muslim enters a building...

Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.

8. But your Honor, if you are what you eat

Then i'm really an innocent child

9. why are ethnic girls better at sex?

Because I don't understand when they say **no** or **stop**.

10. My wife suspects that after she gave birth, don't find her attractive anymore, and have been using a fleshlight to satisfy myself.

That's preposterous, I mean, who the hell needs a fleshlight when you have a newborn daughter?

11. I've spoken to hundreds of victims of sexual assault and there is one thing they all consistently say . . .

please let me go

12. I was watching porn last night when my grandmother walked in...

Not the best way to find out what she does for a living...

13. I know you shouldn't choose favorites out of your kids...

But only one of my daughters does anal, so it's really no contest.

14. According to my doctor, it would be best to my health to stay away from trans fats.

I'm really going to miss Tumblr.

15. A father has three daughters, Lily, Rose, and Piano.

Lily goes up to her dad and says, “dad, why did you name me Lily?” The dad responds, “because a lily fell on your head when you were born.” Rose goes up to her dad and says, “dad, why did you name me Rose? The dad responds, “because a rose fell on your head when you were born.” Piano goes up to her dad and says, “HADUHDABADAHU”

16. Genders are a lot like the Twin Towers

There used to be two of them and now it's a really sensitive subject.

17. What do you call a flamethrower during the Vietnam War?

A rice cooker

18. My wife knows the number to the battered women shelter

Like the back of my hand.

19. My young nephew asked me how babies are made.

I had no idea how to approach it so I looked online and found a video that explains it all. At the end of the video I told him "It's basically just like that, only the white stuff on her face should have gone up her fanny, and normally there isn't a horse involved".

20. I'll admit that the Chinese kids in math class are pretty smart...

But doing it with their eyes closed... that's a bit cocky.

21. Am I pregnant

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers”. She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

22. After knocking down a kid with my car, my wife told me to turn myself into the police...

So I bought a uniform and started shooting black people.

23. If you paint your PC black...

Will it run faster or stop working?

24. What’s the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player?

A hockey player will shower after 3 periods

25. My favourite sex position

My favourite sex position is the JFK. She screams and tries to get out of the car while I splatter all over her.

26. First, they came for the blacks, and I did not speak out because I was not black. Then they came for the gays, and I did not speak out because I was not gay. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew

Then they stopped coming because there were no more problems.

27. What’s the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout?

The instructors don’t get in the showers with the Jews

28. I introduced my new black girlfriend to my...

...old fashioned and slightly deaf grandfather. "She's Annika," I said. "Yes, I can see that," he replied. ______________ Credits: r/sickipedia

29. The most annoying part about having my wife and daughter constantly wear a burkha is the confusion.

Last night I accidentally fucked my wife.

30. The police are like a box of chocolates

They kill your dog.

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