dennyitlo 26 day.agoA policeman is sitting at an intersection watching for traffic violations. A car sitting in the left turn lane moves when the light turns green. As he does so the passenger door opens and an old lady falls out of the car.The cop calls 911 for an ambulance to help the woman then pursues the driver and pulls him over. "Say, says the cop" did you know that your wife fell out of the car when you drove through that intersection"? The man looks over to the passenger seat, sees that is is empty and says to the cop, "Thank God I thought I had gone deaf".
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My friend died this week of complications related to alcoholism. We are writing his obituary which is written with generally a serious tone. But, he was a very funny guy and we think the best way to honor him would be to make a small joke about his issues. This is definitely very crude...but any ideas?
12 One to screw it in, one to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination, one to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination, one to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like", one to deconstruct the light bulb itself as being phallic, one to blame men for not changing the bulb, one to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it, one to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs, one to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs, one to advocate that light bulb changers should have wage parity with electricians, one to alert the media that women are now "out-light bulbing" men, and one to just sit there taking pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.
She wakes up hoping to see a family sitting at the tree getting presents but she is an orhoan and has one present left for her wher eits a baby doll with a string attached to it and she pulls it back and lets the message ring but instead she hears ”Jeffery Epstein didnt kill himself” and then hears ticking afterwards which the orphanage blows up
Funny how that works
If too many of them died, it would drive the market prices up
A fridge doesn't moan when u put meat in it.
2.Who’s there 1.Rey 2.Rey who 1.Reycist scum bag
To breathe like bitches.
I had no idea, his accent threw me off.
Niggers like to be called nice.
Pain in the neck
Because Donald Trump needs more air to keep talking out of his ass.
none. they beat the bulb for being broke and arrest the room for being black (creds: justaboy/YT)
Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick
They both went out on a limb by taking a knee for Black lives
I say we hit Ramsey County Medical Examiner first.
Because they're breaking windows into pieces and each person gets their own piece of the loot
so i took her to Minneapolis.
A killer bean
The pizza can feed a family of four
"Ben is in a coma."
because you take my breath away
I keep seeing videos of people shouting, "I can't breathe!"
I propose it’s too soon to take a knee
None they will just beat it for being dark
One's on the cover of Playboy while the other's on the cover of National Geographic
Because there are schools all over America.
Why do they name a store target and get surprised when to gets hit
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