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avatar Rabbidraccoon18 23 day.agoHow many immoral lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They use Gaslighting instead.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. What's a famous quote that describes pedophilia?

Good things come in small packages.

2. What do you call a cripple on a camping trip?

Kindling

3. Two wives are having coffee

Wife 2: Where's Billy, your handicapped husband? Wife 1: Damn-it, I think I left him in the shower. Wife 2: You showered him today? That's not like you. Wife 1: Oh no, sweetie. We had to throw out our bath mat, so I stood on him during my shower; cheaper than a new mat.

4. How do you separate man from monkey?

Via the equator.

5. To people who say "There were helicopters shooting at people in the Las Vegas shooting, so there were multiple shooters" don't understand common sense

Steven Paddock got a 7 kill streak, and this deployed an attack helicopter. The second helicopter came after he got a 9 kills. You should be grateful he just wanted to shoot people didn't use the Tactical Nuke after he got 25 kills. People talking about conspiracy theories clearly don't understand how kill-streaks work. It was only one guy, he just got the choppers from kill streak rewards.

6. As my wife and three of her friends squeezed into the car after Weight Watchers, I muttered under my breath, "Fat cows."

"What was that?" snapped my wife. "You herd."

7. What's the similarity between a heist in Payday 2 and a burglary?

Shadow Raid.

8. What do you call 100 dead cripples?

A good start.

9. How is Princess Diana like a cell phone?

They die in tunnels.

10. joke

don't expect the coronavirus to last it was made in china

11. A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says

"Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared." The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

12. Muslims have quite the explosive sense of humor.

13. Why did the lifeguard let the hippy drown?

He was too far out man ✌🏽

14. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home

She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box

15. A black guy and a Jew jump off of a cliff. Which one would fall first and why?

Personally I think it’s the Jew because he had pennies in his pockets but then again, the negro stole them. Plus, chains make you heavier.

16. What do you call a necrophiliac's main fantasy?

A Necrofantasia, of corpse!

17. Jacob survived the Holocaust, but his family did not. Angrily, Jacob raises his fist to the sky and shouts, "God, give me back my family!" A few seconds later, a big load of fine ashes is poured down on Jacob and a deep voice from above roars, "Here you are, Jacob."

Jacob looks down, then he looks up and shyly adds, "They also had gold teeth."

18. How do you know if you’ve got a high sperm count?

Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows

19. My birthday is in 3 days and my autistic son just died

It’s a real fucking shame because I now have nothing to wish for.

20. What’s the difference between Kurt Cobain and Jeffery Epstein?

Kurt Cobain killed himself

21. How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just form a support group,'People living in Darkness'.

22. How do u call a jew falling off a plane?

A falling star

23. What does Princess Diana stand for?

Died in a nasty accident

24. I have one of those fidget-spinners in the house.

Or if you want to be politically-correct about it, I have an autistic son.

25. Pro Life Tip: Glass tastes exactly like blood but...

...you have to chew on it a while to get the full effect...

26. How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?

All of them!

27. what do you call a transgender person

A fucking Moron

28. What’s written on the grave of Hitler?

Choked because a cookie was stuck in his throat after seeing the gas bill.

29. FEMALES BE WEARING CROP TOPS WITH NO BOOBS.......

Like bitch that's a BIB

30. When I was at school, Leroy would always get the cane.

That's just how it was on the sugar plantation.

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