Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

There once was an Abby with beautiful gardens. But the building was in dire need of repairs. The monks living at the Abby could do the work to make the necessary repairs, however the funds were scarce and they could not afford materials. One brother suggested they sell flowers from the garden to raise the money needed. This seemed like a good idea so the monks began gathering and arranging the flowers. They start selling their flowers from a table outside the Abby. The monks meet with great success and are raising plenty of money for the Abby. Across town a family flower shop starts feeling the pinch from the competition. After asking the monks nicely to stop selling their flowers they decide to take more, influential methods and hired a local tough named Hugh. After single visit from Hugh the monks decided they had enough money and closed their flower business, proving once and for that Hugh and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

The Navigator

They both disappear if you pee on them.

with a *sting* operation.

Both fall over if you hit them with an axe enough times.

Captured by Indians tied to a stake the Indians went to gather wood to burn him he called Silver his trusty horse over whispered in his ear the horse galloped off toward town a while later his horse returned carrying a beautiful naked blonde the Lone Ranger yelled out I said posse

I hear that youth in Asia is the way to go.

It's a small world!

The guy smiles and says, "Cool. I’ve always wanted $150K."

What are corridors called in a psychiatric ward? Psycho-path

They both are rough and tough and don't take no shit off of anybody.

When I knocked on the door she asked "who is it?" So I left

But after the boss saw everyone's reaction when someone hit it by mistake, the sign was changed to say "panic button"

Retirement not found

It's a shame they'll never meet

I was a bit distracted when she tossed out ideas for a specialty food business she was starting. Otherwise I could have suggested fruit, or bread, or candy, or pretty much anything other than nuts.

A man finds out that his wife has a date with her lover at a hotel. He shows up at the location with a loaded gun, bursts into the room, and catches them naked in bed. Then, desperate, he takes the gun and points it at his temple. The two lovers look at him in shock and then burst out laughing. The man then yells, "There's nothing funny about this, you're next!"

I say "That's a good money for a Gay prostitute, great money actually, but who the hell gave you 5 cents" He goes, "Every single one of them"

“If I died tomorrow, would you get remarried?” he asked “Well, I am still young and I don’t want to live alone, so I probably would.” she replied softly “Would you stay in this house?” he asked “I guess I would, since it’s nice and I really like it!” she replied. “Would you let him drive my truck?” he asked “It’s useful where we live and I get a kick out of driving it myself,” she replied with a laugh “But would you let him use my golf clubs” he asked “No, he’s left handed”

Tequila mocking girl

You just have it delivered to the wrong address,

The younger of the two is going on about a new relationship he is in. He tells the older man how gorgeous his girl friend is. After a bit he offers a picture from his cell phone. The second man says "If you think she is gorgeous you should see my wife." The first man responds "Oh is she really good looking?" To which the second man says "Well yes but more importantly, she is an optometrist."

I mean, enlarging and an existing drill hole is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting!

I think we’re definitely gonna have a lit time.

... then 558 people should be able to make a baby in 1 day.

Son of a bitch.

Pretty sure he found out I don't have any pets.

She was still oedipal.

He asked me who that was singing and I said, “It’s Kendrick Lamar, a hip hop artist.” He said, “Interesting. Our hip pop artist doesn't sing when she stops by on 'Chiropractor Thursdays'."

They set a test having checked the questions can't possibly have dirty answers. The class does the test and they look at Johnny's answers, and can't see any problems. So they read out the questions and get one of the good students to read out her answers. Question A: A person who sells tickets for a show Question B: A word for a rich or upper class person. Question C: The way a general might begin a speech The good student responds: A: Box Office Attendant B: Billionaire C: Troops! So she asks Little Johnny to do the same. He says A: Tout B: Toff C: Men!