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avatar BrandyAid 22 day.agoThey say one swallow doesn’t make a summer…

but it sure makes the evening more memorable.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. What's the best way to keep your 2 year old hydrated at Disney world?

Gatorade *Edit, thanks for the gold kind stranger :)

2. My wife turned to me during her mother’s funeral and hissed, “When we get home later, I’m going to make you fucking pay for this!”

For the life of me, I couldn’t think of what I had done wrong. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t sharing my popcorn...

3. My wife caught me pissing in the kitchen sink and got really mad at me. "You fucking prick, that's so inappropriate!" she screamed. "Well, so is washing the baby in there, but I don't angry at you about that!" I shouted back.

I think she realized she'd lost the argument, because she didn't even reply. She just lifted the baby out of the sink and went upstairs...

4. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don’t know but it must be more than 10 cuz my basements still pitch black

5. what's the difference between an al qaeda outpost and a Pakistani elementary school?

i don't know. i just fly the drones

6. My girlfriend must really love me.

When I asked her if she would like to act out my favorite rape fantasy, she said "No".

7. What do you do after you finish a magazine in a hospital?

Reload

8. What's the difference between a freezer and a baby?

Freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it

9. The Kayak Accident

The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. “We’re sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife”, said one of the troopers. “Tell me! Did you find her?”, Wilkens exclaimed. The troopers looked at each other. One said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?” Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.” The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay .” “Oh my God!”, exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?” The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.” Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?” The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”

10. Why do Chinese warriors die so easily in battle?

No matter how much protective garments they wear, there's still a chink in the armour.

11. The F in Ethiopia

stands for food

12. How many American kids does it take to paint a school?

Depends on the gun you use

13. I'm having regular sex with a blind woman.

The sex is great but it isn't easy getting her husband’s voice right. xpost - r/sickipedia

14. I don't really understand Sandy Hook jokes...

I guess they're aimed at a younger audience. Edit: Thanks for the gold!

15. Why do Black people never get their PHD

Because they spend their entire life working for their Masters

16. What do a ninja and a Muslim woman in a burka have in common?

In order to survive they both have to be quiet.

17. It is no longer XXXTentacion.

Now, it's X_XTentacion.

18. How do you outrun a Jewish cop?

Take the toll road.

19. My Indian girlfriend told me she wanted me to give her a facial

I nearly came on the spot.

20. Father daughter bonding. NSFW

A six year old girl was brushing her teeth when her mother got out of the shower. Shocked, the girl pointed to her mother's chest and said "What are those?" "Well, you'll get them in a few years, honey" her mother replies. a few days pass and the girl is brushing her teeth again, when her father gets out of the shower. Once again shocked, the little girl asked "When do I get to have one of those!?" With a slight smile the father replies "As soon as your mother leaves."

21. Jobs from the 90s that aren’t around anymore:

Steve

22. What's the difference between a bomb vest and a feminist?

A bomb vest actually does something when it's triggered.

23. Did you know that Oprah and Stevie Wonder had the same nickname in school?

Nigger

24. what's the big similarity between the Pokemon anime and The Diary of Anne Frank?

>!Both the protagonists are ash!< &#x200B; edit: Thanks for the shekel kind shoah!

25. A little black Jewish boy says to his daddy, "Dad am I more black or Jewish?" "Why do you ask?", says the Dad. The boy says, "Well a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100 or just steal it."

26. TIL There is a new drug for lesbians dealing with depression.

It's called 'trycoxagain'.

27. What’s The Hardest Part About Being A Pedophile?

Trying to fit in.

28. What doesn't belong in this list: meat, eggs, wife, blowjob?

Blowjob. You can beat your meat, eggs, or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

29. Girls are like black jack

I aim for 21 but always end up hitting on 14

30. I looked out of my window in horror yesterday as a crowd gathered around a crashed motorcyclist. I rushed outside yelling, "Let me through, let me through!!"

A man in the front said, "Thank god! Are you a doctor!?" I said, "No, that's my fucking pizza!"

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