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avatar BobT21 20 day.agoI was arrested for eating Cheetos.

They caught me red handed.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. The speed of light is 186,000 miles per second in a vacuum. What is the speed of sound in a vacuum?

It depends on the brand of vacuum.

2. This kid was born without eyelids…

The doctor said, “I also do circumcision. I think I can use the foreskin to make eyelids!” The surgery is a success. They bring the baby in and the dad holds him up to take a look. He says, “It looks good, just a little cockeyed”

3. A frat boy, a pirate, and a cow walk into a bar.

The frat boy and the pirate see the cow and begin to question each other on what to do with it. This devolves into an argument, where they ask who each other works for. The cow then lets out a long moo. Both fall silent before exclaiming, "How did it know?!"

4. Which smells better, a Catholic or a Protestant church?

The Catholic one, because of all the potpourrie.

5. Why did the assassin go to the movies?

He had a few hours to kill.

6. Which search engine does Mario use?

Yahoo!

7. Canada has their own version of Kevin Bacon

He looks just like Jon Hamm.

8. How many giraffes does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but you’d better have a high ceiling.

9. I had a coworker who used to post these hilarious dad jokes up on the notice board

He left one of the funniest ones I’ve ever seen on his last day of work. Later I found out he wasn’t actually a dad which was kind of funny I guess.

10. I just wanted to let you know, I am going through a lot right now

I will make it to the car soon

11. Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar

followed by Batman.

12. A mother calls for one of her twins.

Mother: Yanny! Laurel: Yeah?

13. I used to know a blind circumciser.

He got the sack.

14. My wife has two problems with me:

The fact that I don't finish my sentences and

15. A woman approaches her house and sees a single slipper by her front door.

She assumes it’s from the upstairs neighbour’s balcony so she knocks on his door to let him know. “What was written on it?” The man asks. “Out” She replies. “So ‘Chill’ must still be on the balcony” says the man. Next day the same happens. She finds a slipper, knocks on the neighbour’s door. “What’s written on it?” He asks. “Off” she says. “So ‘Fuck’ must still be on the balcony” Next day the same happens, annoyed she decides to act like she doesn’t know what was written on the slipper. She knocks on the door. “What’s written on it?” The neighbour asks. “I don’t know” she replies. “So ‘I got crows out my window Dogs at my door I don't think I can take anymore What am I doing wrong?’ must still be on the balcony”.

16. If I had a mostly red cat,

I’d name him Synonym.

17. A lady walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre

So he gives it to her

18. Statistics show that 9 out of 10 men

are shocked to learn that they should not do their own electrical work.

19. Her bags are packed.

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going. She replied: “I’m going to Las Vegas”. He questioned her as to why. “I just found out that I can make $500 a night doing what I give you for free”. He pondered that then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the porch. “And just where do you think you’re going?” “I’m going with you!” he replied. “Why?” she asked. “I want to see how you are going to live on $1,000 a year!”

20. Where can you buy violins and groceries?

VivALDI’s

21. What do you call a Cafeteria located at the back side of a building?

Bacteria

22. Neanderthals are considered the ancestors of modern-day humans

But for Indians… they probably came from Neander-Dal

23. While visiting England I was surprised to hear so many people watch the BBC.

I didn't try it, I prefer BBW, though there is a lot of overlap in the videos.

24. What do dogs call their alphabet?

The woofabit.

25. A man walks in to a butchers shop...

Man: "Do you have sheeps testicles?" Butcher: "No, it's just the way these trousers hang."

26. A man is in the maternity ward of the hospital...

...waiting for the doctor to allow him to see his wife and their new baby. A nurse steps into the waiting room and gets his attention. "Congratulations! How many children do you have now?" she asks. "This is my seventh," he says proudly. "I'm a sex machine!" "Well," the nurse replies, "you might want to check the oil in that engine of yours, because this one came out dark."

27. My neighbor got a vasectomy, and a few weeks later I noticed that his wife was pregnant.

Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the color of the baby.

28. The same

A grandmother looked after 2000 sheep alone in the village. A journalist came to make a report about it and asked the grandmother: \- "Tell us how you manage to look after 2000 sheep by yourself?" Grandma: \- "Well, I've been doing that all my life, I'm used to it." Journalist: \- "And how much does one sheep weigh?" Grandma: \- "Black or white?" Journalist: \- "Well, let's say white." Grandma: \- "30 kg." Journalist: \- "And black?" Grandma: \- "Well, the same." Journalist: \- "Okay, and how much milk does one sheep give?" Grandma: \- "Black or white?" Journalist: \- "Well, let's say white." \- "so 2 liters." \- "And black?" \- "Well, the same." \- "Okay, and how much wool from one sheep?" \- "Black or white?" \- "Let's say black." \- "3 kg." \- "And white?" \- "Well, the same." The journalist grows mad, realizing the grandma is messing with her. Journalist: \- "Well, what's the difference between black and white then?" Grandma: \- "Well, the white ones are mine." Journalist: \- "And the black ones?" Grandma: \- "Well, the same."

29. What fish contains sodium?

2 Na

30. Why did the wench laugh at the pirate's dick?

'Scurvy

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