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avatar Correct_Put7489 19 day.agoThe doctor said, “Good news! The surgery was a success.” I said, “And the bad news?”

He said, “It wasn't yours.”

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Most Canadians love to go out clubbing.

Unless there are no seals around.

2. When your cumming into a girls mouth with braces

Your putting your kids behind bars.

3. Why can't you rape a crippled mute?

They can't tell you "no."

4. Abortion jokes suck the life out of you.

5. R Kelly...

taking the art out of rap artist.

6. Why are Jews terrible cooks?

They're afraid to get near the oven

7. What's the difference between Bruce Wayne's shovel and Oprah Winfrey?

One's a Bat Digger, and the other's a fat nigger.

8. How do you know when a prostitute is full ?

Her nose is running

9. Why do Jewish men get circumcised?

Because no Jewish woman will touch anything that isn’t twenty percent off.

10. What's the difference between blessing and molesting?

Nothing, if you are the Pope

11. She stood alone on the edge of a cliff....

Contemplating suicide when a nasty old bum walked up and asked her what she was doing. "I'm going to kill myself" she said. The bum then asked "Well, if you're gonna kill yourself do you wanna have sex first?" "Oh Hell no!" the girl replied. "Fine" said the bum. "I'll just wait at the bottom then"

12. I hate these body double standards. At the crematorium I am doing my job

At the nursing home I am getting rid of evidence

13. A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers”. She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

14. You've made my whole week!

So I'll make your HOLE weak :)

15. Imagine being black

Now imagine NOT being in jail or getting shot

16. I was going to say *have a blast* to my muslim friend coz its Eid today, as I always say that to friends on occasions to celebrate.

But then I didn't, because what if he just have a blast. You never know, and I didn't want to take any risk ...

17. Why is it that the Jews never had their own country in history?

4,000 years ago, Jewish God gave the Jews Israel as their homeland under a contract, where the terms were "If you uphold the 613 commandments of God, your homeland canbe Israel." ; The Jews broke the terms of the contract, they didn't uphold the 613 commandments of God, and due to this breach of contract, Jewish God stripped them of any rights to live Israel. When you have a Jewish God, of course you're going to get fucked over for breach of contract!

18. Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?

Everywhere

19. What’s the worst part of being a black Jew?

You have to sit in the back of the oven.

20. Why did the Indian tourists give Germany bad reviews?

They tried to take a shit in the middle of the Autobahn but the cars were going too fast.

21. What do you call a three humped camel?

Deformed.

22. What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim?

A School Bus Full Of Children

23. My grandma was half black and half jewish...

She even had to stand in the back of the gas chamber.

24. Women are alot like old radios...

When they stop working, give em a smack

25. When my arab friend started dancing I called him a Boogie bomb

26. Why are black people fast?

Because the slow ones are in jail.

27. How do you make a feminist mad?

That isn't funny!

28. A friend asked me if I knew anyone who could fix a dishwasher the other day.

So I said " a psychiatrist"

29. How do you tell the difference between the Italian airplane and the other planes?

The Italian plane has hair under its wings.

30. I like when a Muslim says "I come in peace".

Because it means at least he's not a rapist.

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