Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

"Doc, I think something’s wrong with my junk." The doctor puts on his gloves. "Alright, drop your pants and let’s take a look." The man drops his pants, and his junk is completely orange. The doctor stares. "Whoa… what the hell have you been doing?!" The man sighs. "Well… not much lately. Just sitting at home, watching porn, and eating Doritos."

There was a Scottish house painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings. Smokey put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job. So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, buying paint and yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with water... Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint. Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried: "Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?" And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.. "Repaint! Repaint!* And thin no more!"*

We were at lunch and she told me that her boyfriend's mom and dad refused to let him date her. I said, "Who the hell are they to say anything about what two eighteen year old's do in a relationship! She responded, "Our parents".

During the hernia check she cupped my boys. Instead of "turn your head and cough" she begins yelling at me, "Stop running your fingers through my hair!"

The wheelchair

He nuts and bolts

Shots all around.

Because he was deriving drunk.

"The boy goes home and asks, "Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom, what is shit?" and she says, "Perfume." So he goes to see his dad (who is carving a chicken), and his dad cuts himself and yells, "Fuck!" The boy asks, "Dad, what does fuck mean?" and dad says "preparing." Then he follows his dad upstairs. A few minutes later his mom and dad are about to have sex when his dad says, "Where are the condoms?" The little boy asks, "What are condoms?" and his father says, "Condoms are coats and jackets." The following night his father invites over some important business clients. The boy opens the door for them and says, "Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mom is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken."

A man had gone to a city for a business expo. On his way to the train station to go home, he was thinking about how much he should have eaten at the city's seafood restaurants. So he leaned forward and asked his taxi driver, "Hey, bud. Do you know where a fellow could have gotten scrod around here?" The taxi driver paused for a moment, then said "Pal, I've been driving this cab for many years, and I've been asked that question by many people, but you're the first one to ask it in the pluperfect subjunctive."

A novice.

1.) What is a pear's favorite type of story? A Pear-able. 2.) What would the Re-Animator horror film series be called if the cast was replaced by pears? Re-Pear Man.

Lieutenant!

That's pretty nuts...

The only sound was the silence after each punchline.

One is Peter Parker, and the other is a pita parka

If you smell weed across a room, it’s good weed.

Getting home and realizing they have forgotten one of your containers…Riceless

Once done, he takes her husband aside and tells him: "Listen, Mr. Smith, next time you're really in the mood, consider for a moment: do you feel like you can support another child?" The husband answers: "Listen, Doctor, when I am really in the mood, I feel like I can support the whole state of Georgia."

Mr. T: It's April, fools!

Looking around, he finds himself in a big dark pit. Next to him, huge cauldrons are standing on fires, tended by demons. Screams fill the air. **Man**: What?! Why, God, why? I did my best all my life, I always followed Your word, I suffered, why did you send me to Hell? The closest demon looks at him. Without saying a word, he goes to a cauldron and lifts the lid. Then another. Then a third. The man sees his boss, his mother-in-law, the IRS... **Man**: Phew! Heaven!

A startup launches its world first Bidet with a camera and AI for guiding the water jet. After only a few weeks all units delivered had to be recalled. The Bidets seemed to prefer to drench its users rather than cleaning them properly. Investigators of the issue soon came to the conclusion that the AI has been trained by assholes.

I arrived home, and nothing unexpected happened.

You would be grumpy, too, if you woke up and found yourself at work.

Davide O. was gone but Daudi O. persisted

Boy did I look younger then!

A newly wedded couple was enjoying their honeymoon in Hawaii. They were extremely shy couple and not so experienced. But they tried to do their first oral sex. It was not so satisfactory. At last she figured it out. The bride just close her eyes, and keep saying "Honolulu" to herself. It gave the groom extreme pleasure. After one year of marriage, they tried to celebrate it with passionate lovemaaking. But she forgot the magic word. "Honey, what was the name of place when we stayed for our honeymoon?" "It was called Waikiki, dear."

Because everything is all right, all right, all right!

The college football quarterback walked into the university infirmary and asked to see a doctor. “Sure,” said the pretty nurse, “what shall I tell him is your problem.” “It’s rather embarrassing,” stammered the athlete, “but I have a massively large erection that just won’t go away.” “Oh, I see,” she replied, “well the doctor is really busy this morning, but I might be of assistance. Go to Room 2A and remove your clothes. I too am quite busy, but I might be able to squeeze you in.”

Being buried alive.