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avatar CremeLazy8909 18 day.agoTwo men were sitting at a restaurant.

One man said, “I’ll take some H2O please”. The second man said “I’ll have some H2O, too”. The second man died.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver. The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf.…"

"If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd be a little duckling." The ~~bus~~ annoyed ~~bus~~ driver stops the bus and turns to the boy saying, "What if your mom was a drunk and your dad was a bum?" The boy responds, "Then I'd be a bus driver." **EDIT: busted for two too many buses!**

2. California Recently voted to make heterosexuality illegal...

The press described it as an "Ice cream cone in your back-pocket law" because there were never any heterosexuals in California... California also recently legalized all forms of child molestation... The kids in California were very upset about this law... since those kids were all homosexuals, it turns out they were staunch proponents of their own molestation and themselves predatory child molesters. A unanimous majority from the California Supreme Court issued this Principle Opinion: "If a man molests a small child who is himself an unapologetic and predatory child molester, one must argue this grown man has been in the same right been sexually assaulted by the small child. To argue that one of the two child molesters involved did not enjoy and consent to the child molestation implies that this argument holds true with respect to the other, thus neither party consented to the act. As there is no precedent for mutual rape in which both involved individuals are charged with raping each other, we must concede that no crime has been committed."

3. Dad, what's a ghetto blaster?

It's a racial stereotype.

4. Jews should not be eating beans before taking a shower.

They would gas out so hard they'll die.

5. Why do Jews circumcise their boys?

They like everything 50% off

6. Why do the Muslims hate the gays?

Because the story of 72 virgins doesn't work on them.

7. An orphanage is burning down.

A rabbi and priest run out, sweating. The priest asks, "What about the children?" The rabbi replies, "FUCK THE CHILDREN!!!" The priest stops for a bit and asks, "Do you think there's enough time?"

8. Stephen Hawking doesn't have his computer with him. How do you communicate?

With an Ouija board

9. Life is like a box of chocolates

Nobody likes the dark ones

10. Mean jokes are like food.

Not everybody gets it.

11. My friend who has Down's syndrome says is happy because at least he isn't black

Good thing for him he was also born blind.

12. My wife has some truly horrible rape stories.

I keep telling her that the kids would probably prefer something like "Goldilocks and the Three Bears."

13. So my math teacher asked how many times does 50 go into 11.

Apparently, the answer wasn't, "Ask Michael Jackson."

14. The yarmulke was invented by a Jew that wanted to cover a bald spot,

but didn't want to pay for an entire hat.

15. Why are autistic people bad at being homeless?

Because they can't accept change.

16. "Knock, knock, knock,knock,knock,knock,knock,knock"

"Who's there?" "Michael J Fox"

17. a boy asks his mother what dark humor is and his mother asks: are you seeing that cripple?

then the son replies: mom I'm blind and mom says: exactly

18. I hate double standards!

Burn a body at the crematorium, you're being a, "respectful friend." However, do it at home and you're, "destroying evidence."

19. Did you know that women are funny too ?

Take a look at their women’s rights,these are fucking jokes

20. Heroin addicts are so stingy

Every time I ask for some they only give me a spoonful

21. Dark Humor is like food

Never mind, you probably won’t get it

22. The amount of corona virus patients should be in half

Because women are objects

23. What does a tree and a dog have in common

They both fall down when you hit them with an axe

24. I've found out how to make Windows run faster.

I installed the French version.

25. Women have one right

And one left

26. What's the best comedy subreddit?

r/thefairersex

27. What’s black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Steven Hawkins in a house fire

28. What do we want?

A cure for stut stut stut stu stu st st st.... screw it, the cold!

29. Who you gonna call

30. What do you call a gay abortion?

A wet fart

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