ziganaut 16 hr.agoA blonde gets pulled over by a cop…A blonde gets pulled over by a cop and he asks to see her driver’s license. The blonde says “What’s that?” The cop replies “Well, it’s a little plastic thing with your face on it.” The blonde goes through her handbag, pulls out a makeup mirror and gives it to the cop. He stares at it for a few seconds and says “Why didn’t you tell me you were a police officer?”
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I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge...
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
It can be done with a credit card fairly easily, but I prefer to use a knife
And I thought, "That seems like a reasonable compromise."
The ungrateful bitch spat it out...
He lost wifi connection
With a virus.
My dad didn’t beat cancer
I told her, being funny is the 2nd best way to get a girl into bed. She said "What's the best way?" I said "A big knife" She laughed and said "You're funny" I said "wise choice"
I'll be home in 20 minutes!
Told my mom that my girlfriend is retarded...
It's nice when problems resolve themselves like that. _______ xpost: r/sickipedia
Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
A thot process
The other 98% still live in Africa.
Because they can't defend their towers.
But when she killed herself things started to look a lot more positive.
He got an altar boy to lick her cunt.
The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... *He still hasn't unwrapped his present!!!*
Fast 10: Your Seatbelts
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
I saw a pretty girl. Finally I plucked up the courage, and asked for her number. She said "got a pen?" I said yes. She said "well get back in it you fat fucking pig".
It was having a mid life crisis
I did that and I feel much better, but I'm wondering, do I keep the letters?
They do it in schools, because they have class. *transcribed from a [deleted Jokes post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/45ekt9/white_people_dont_shoot_each_other_in_the_streets/?sort=new), because I can't find the original content*
Apparently going onto the "Kids vs cancer" page and saying "My money's on cancer every time" is frowned upon.
She just didn't have enough time to get out of the closet.
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