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avatar Ralph--Hinkley 12 day.agoFreddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar...

They didn't planet that way.

Walks into a bar
75
13
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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. I read in a woman's magazine that the perfect husband is "wealthy, intelligent and has an off-button".

I'm not a fan of these distorted standards for men, how's a regular guy meant to compete with Stephen Hawking?

2. My Jewish neighbor is so cheap

he gets tasered by police just to charge his phone.

3. What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?

Optimistic...

4. So I was eating this girl out and I tasted Horse semen. Horse semen!! I looked up at here and said,” is that how you died grandma?”

5. What do you call a body positive cow?

A horse

6. What is a slave’s favorite junk food?

Cotton candy

7. How do you make a kid cry twice?

Use their teddy bear to wipe the blood off their pussy.

8. Me and R Kelly made a website

Should I call it”Kinderhub” or “Only kids”?

9. What do you use to clean black ice?

A Samboni

10. Why are genders like the twin towers?

There used to be 2 but now it’s a sensitive subject

11. What is a midgets favorite game

Mini golf

12. A Christian man was schizophrenic for as long as he remembered. He started medications and got cured.

Now he's an atheist.

13. After years and years of domestic violence in my life I realised its not right to hit a woman.

So i just pushed her down from 6th floor. kidding it was the 8th floor

14. My first ever rugby game was a lot like my first time having sex...

I was fucking sore at the end, but at least my dad came...

15. KEEP IT GOIING

I love your confidence!! if I were you I wouldn't be No one is perfect!! You just proved it Great idea!! Please never think again Wow you killed it!! Now do it to yourself KEEP IT GOING

16. After years of teasing my girlfriend about her anorexia,

she finally snapped.

17. What does Kim Kardashian's ass and the ocean have in common?

They’re both mostly plastic.

18. When Chuck Norris attends a feminist rally,

he comes back with his shirt ironed.

19. What do you call a phone call from your grandpa?

Boomerang

20. What's funnier than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

21. I don't know why women say fuck you to men.

Most men want that only, why would you threaten someone by giving them something that they want.

22. whatsapp group chat reboot.anything goes (dont be a bitch)

https://chat.whatsapp.com/FPNFkjuMG8u3EcJS2DDZcy

23. My Jewish girlfriend got fired from her job because she was always getting distracted.

So I sent her to a concentration camp.

24. What do you call a group of black women?

A farmer's toolshed. (If you didn’t get it it’s because they’re hoes)

25. It’s a shame automatic rifles are banned

Now I have to pull the trigger every time I see a kid.

26. What do Californian feminists and Middle-eastern feminists have in common?

They both get stoned.

27. What’s the difference between pizza and Jews?

Pizza didn’t do 9/11

28. What does a baby look like when you hit it with a lawn mower?

I dont know-i close my eyes when I cum

29. How do you kill a Briton?

Poison his tea and hide the antidote in a tube of toothpaste.

30. Why are priests called Father?

Because it's too suspicious to call them Daddy.

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