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avatar GDWordle 9 day.agoI tried to buy the United States of America, and I got a great deal.

It's a free country.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. A girl was gang-raped by mimes.

She said they did unspeakable things to her.

2. Rumours are that the three young girls who left the UK to join IS have been raped, beaten and sold into slavery...

...after their flight was delayed and they had to stay in Birmingham

3. What’s small, brown and warm, and found in the back of little boys pants?

Micheal Jackson’s hand

4. What do black guys have that's double the size of white men and gets bigger every time they touch a woman?

Their criminal record.

5. A guy told a joke at my wife's company dinner party, "What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?"

"Throw your laundry in!" The room went silent... Choking back the tears, I said, "My brother was an epileptic and died in the bath." "Oh my god I'm so sorry!" he said embarrassed. I said, "Yeah, he choked to death on a sock!"

6. Who has a bigger dick as a 3rd grader... a black kid or a white kid?

The black kid because he's 20.

7. You know what I say to Gender Studies majors?

I'd like a medium Sprite with that.

8. I saw a black guy riding a bike and went to my garage to see if it was mine.. But mine was still chained to the wall begging for food.

sorry

9. If a Muslim beats his wife...

Is it domestic violence or child abuse?

10. How did PMS get its name?

"Mad cow disease" was already taken.

11. What’s the main thing about jewish football?

To get the quarter back.

12. How many Jews can you fit in a car

I depends on how many ash trays the car has

13. What's the difference between cancer jokes and kids with cancer?

Cancer jokes get old after awhile.

14. Why are there no Japanese Bingo players?

Every time somebody calls, "B-29," they seem to disappear.

15. Anthony Bourdain is going to be the new host of Hell's Kitchen.

16. I failed my biology test today.

They asked me what is most commonly found inside cells. Turns out black people wasn't the right answer.

17. What's the difference between a hippie girl and a hockey player?

The hockey player showers after 3 periods.

18. Why aren't Kobe Bryant's critics saying anything now?

Because he finally passed

19. I cant wait for Harriet Tubman to be on the $20 bill

I can finally use black people as currency again.

20. What do 4 teenage girls and storage containers have in common?

They’re all in my basement.

21. Jacob survived the Holocaust, but his family did not. Angrily, Jacob raises his fist to the sky and shouts, "God, give me back my family!"

A few seconds later, a big load of fine ashes is poured down on Jacob and a deep voice from above roars, "Here you are, Jacob." Jacob looks down, then he looks up and shyly adds, "They also had gold teeth."

22. "Mum, I had sex with my school teacher today."

The boy's mother looked disgusted. "WHAT!? You go and tell your father right away!" The boy approached his father." Dad, I had sex with my school teacher today". His mother was shaking her head in disgust. The boy's dad frowned, then said "WELL DONE, SON! You're a man now." The boy's mother threw her arms up and stormed out. "To congratulate you, I'll take you to buy that bicycle you've wanted for a while, right now!" So the father and son buy the bike and leave the shop. As the pair walk, with the boy pushing the bike, the proud father asks "why aren't you riding your new bike, son?" The boy replies, "because my arse is still killing me, Dad".

23. A man walks up to a woman in a bar and says, "You're going to get laid tonight".

A bit surprised, she asks, "Really? How do you know that? Are you psychic?" "No, I'm just stronger than you."

24. Rihanna "Oh na na, what's my name"

Chris "Fuck, I hit her a bit too hard this time".

25. When Kurt Cobain was young . . .

... his mother told him not to play with guns. But it went in one ear and out the other. [Source] (http://www.sickipedia.net/j/Crime/Suicide/46218)

26. If I had a dollar for every time I was racist

Black people would rob me.

27. My wife tricked me into having sex with her last night.

She slept in our daughter's room.

28. Everyone tells me I'm average...

That's just mean...

29. What do you get when you spell "Man" backwards?

Flashbacks.

30. "Dad, how do stars die?"

“Usually an overdose.”

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