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avatar PersonWalker 7 day.agoWhy should you always knock before opening the fridge door?

In case there's a salad dressing

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Virgin Girlfriend

I had sex with my girlfriend last night. It was her first time so she bled. I told her not to worry, in a few years she'll bleed every month.

2. Don't bully fat people

They already have enough on their plate.

3. How do you blindfold an Asain woman

You put a windsheild over her eyes.

4. Last time I had sex it felt like the 100m Olympic final

It involved 8 black men and a gun

5. Why is it hard breaking up with a Japanese women?

You have to drop the bomb twice to get it across to her

6. I feel really guilty crushing up pills and secretly putting them in granny's dinner...

But I'd feel even more guilty if I got her pregnant...

7. What is the difference between social justice warriors and babies?

Babies eventually grow up and stop throwing tantrums every five minutes.

8. What's the worst thing about summer?

Three months without a school shooting.

9. What do you call a group of emos?

A Suicide Squad

10. What’s the best thing about an Ethiopian blow job?

You know she’ll swallow.

11. My wife just suffered her 3rd miscarriage...

...I hope.

12. Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a registered 6 offender

13. I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"

14. Women are like parking spaces

All the good ones are taken, so when no one is looking you have to slip it in the disabled one.

15. What has five legs, four toes and seven arms?

The finish line of the Boston marathon

16. Why do all black people look the same?

I'm not trying to be racist or anything, but it must be those orange jumpsuits.

17. Why do Muslim women wear Hijabs?

So you can’t see the bruises

18. How can you tell if a gay guy is dead or not?

Check The Pulse

19. What's a typical Jewish girl name?

16504

20. Adam, Eve, and God Go to the Beach

As they're all laying out, Eve decides to run into the water. God sighs in disgust, saying, "Now I'm never going to get that smell out of the fish."

21. A smarter mean joke...

U235(92)+n -> Ba142(56) + KR91(36) +3n +3.2^+11J You may not get that equation but the japs sure did in 1945....

22. How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

just one. she stands there and waits for the world to revolve around her.

23. What do you call a Muslim in the shower?

Bath bomb

24. If a black person gets beaten, would it be assault or destruction of private property?

Neither, it would be animal abuse.

25. Why Wasn't Chirst Born in Mexico?

Because they can't find three wise men and a virgin.

26. Three 5th graders are talking during recess. A white kid, black kid, and italian kid.

The white kid asks the other two, wanna play a game? The other two kids agree and the white kid leads them into the bathroom. He says "ok this is called the penis game, whoever has the biggest wins!" So he takes his dick out, and the Italian kid says "that's nothin!" And whips his out. His is bigger then the white kids. But then, the black kid whips out his hammer cock. His dick towers over the other kids dicks. After school the black kid goes home and eats dinner with his parents. His mom asks him how school went. He tells her he played the penis game with his friends. He said mom I had the biggest dick out of all the kids! Is that because I'm black? The mom says, no sweetie, it's because you're twenty-three years old.

27. The Border Checkpoint.

A German man pulls up to a Polish border checkpoint. He gives his first and last name, his place of birth to the man at the border checkpoint. "Occupation?", he is asked. "No, just visiting"

28. if a guy is driving a car and hits a woman who's fault is it?

it's the guys fault he shouldn't of been driving in the kitchen.

29. Sarah Palin

What's the difference between Sarah Palins mouth and her vagina? Only 1/5th of what comes out of her vagina is retarded.

30. I walked in on dad masturbating

ME : Dad, what are you doing? DAD : It's called jerking off, son. You'll be doing it soon, son. ME : Why? DAD : Because my arm is tired.

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