asdfgdhtns 3 day.agoA panda walks into a barHe orders a sandwich, and when he is finished he pulls out a gun, fires it into the air and walks out the door. A man exclaims "What the hell was that about!" and the bartender says "that's typical of pandas." He pulls out an encyclopedia and opens it to the panda section. "See it says right here, 'eats shoots and leaves'"
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He's really TARIFFIED!
Beat it
He apparently did not.
They let out little prosti-toots
1-2 years, unless you explain that "change" means "replace" not "redesign".
Either way, I’m too hard to read.
When my whole family was panicking in the hopsital because Grandpa needed blood. He reassured us by screaming 'Be positive' until his last breathe.
That he often went barefooted, so the bottom of his feet were rock hard. He often went on hunger strikes so he was weak a lot of the time. He was very religious and in touch with his spiritual side. Due to him traveling around and a hunger strikes his hygiene quite often suffered. One could even say that he was... A super callused fragile mystic with extra halitosis. (Say the last line out loud quickly)
In a wiki wiki
King Pong.
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Rick O'Shea
>! Conjunction of the Spheres !<
... no canaries there either.
It's a huge missed steak.
Then we could call her Brie Brie.
I picked up a girl at the bar the other day. She took me back to her house where things got hot and heavy very quickly. I bent her over the kitchen table and started going at it when suddenly we heard the front door open. "Oh shit, it's my boyfriend ! " she exclaimed "Quick, use the backdoor" . Now it's at about this time I probably should have left but you just don't get an offer like that every day.
"Oh go on, kiss me, kiss me," she insists, "No it's out of the question," said the doctor, "Why's that?" She asks disappointedly. It's completely against ethical rules," he replies, "in fact strictly speaking I shouldn't even be having sex with you."
But next weekend he's going to get hammered.
I never paid good money to have a garbanzo bean on my face!
One says “it’s hot in here”. The other dragon replies “shut your mouth”
A hendu
Eric Clapton would never let 1 kg of cocaine fall out of a window!
When hookers are giving free BJ’s just to get something warm in their stomach.
I replied, "You bet Shiraz I would!"
They have narrowed it down to death, life imprisonment, or mandatory use of United Health insurance plans.
Made a complete spectacle of myself
Before we were married she wouldn’t give me the permission…
The World's oldest World War 2 code breaker died last week at the age of 5. Correction: 101
They just got laid by some chick
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