ChristofferTJ 10 year.ago50 of the most offensive jokes I know1_Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes 2_My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support. 3_What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor. 4_Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast. 5_What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message. 6_What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon. 7_What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present. 8_How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave. 9_How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles. 10_How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up. 11_Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver's Ed. on the same day? They have to give the donkey a break at some point. 12_Feminism 13_So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. 14_Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause all the trouble. 15_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything. 16_What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery. 17_So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn't work. 18_Say what you want about pedophiles but they do drive slower through school zones 19_What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out. 20_What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice. 21_What's white on top and black on bottom? US culture 22_Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free. 23_What happened when the jew walked into the wall with a hard-on? He broke his nose. 24_How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit? Nine months. 25_How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy. 26_How many Jews can you fit into a car? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 5,999,995 in the ashtray 27_How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and bitch. 28_What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult. 29_What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile. 30_What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period. 31_How do you swat 200 flies at one time? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan. 32_What's black and blue and doesn't like to have sex? The little girl in my trunk 33_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her. 34_Girls are like blackjack… I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14. 35_Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up. 36_Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't. 37_How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black. 38_What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage. 39_What's the hardest part of eating bald pussy? Getting the diaper back on. 40_What's difference between dollars and Jews? I'd give a shit if I lost 6 million dollars. 41_9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape 42_What's the best part about fucking a 12 year old girl? If you flip her over it looks like her little brother 43_One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life 44_I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean,I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone. 45_What's the difference between a Jew and harry potter? Harry can escape the chamber. 46_What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong. 47_Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after 3 periods. 48_What's the difference between cancer and Black people? Cancer got Jobs. 49_What do Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common? They both had a downey jr inside of them. 50_A black, a muslim and a mexican jump off a cliff to see who gets to the bottom first. Who wins? Society.
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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!
Doctor-Whats wrong? Me-I love to help blind and mute people, I think I'm insane!! Doctor-How is that bad?? Me- I mean the adjective
Jack Daniels comes alive when you add coke.
because they have developed a taste for pepper spray.
I shouted, “My money's on the one with the knife!" You should’ve seen them both run away.
I think it's because he's got an overactive knife and fork.
I was only protecting him from a sniper. Lucky for him I saw the laser sight before the guy took one in the head.
I think it was a fitting metaphor for his company’s attitude to battery life.
Unless there are no seals around.
Your putting your kids behind bars.
They can't tell you "no."
taking the art out of rap artist.
They're afraid to get near the oven
One's a Bat Digger, and the other's a fat nigger.
Her nose is running
Because no Jewish woman will touch anything that isn’t twenty percent off.
Nothing, if you are the Pope
Contemplating suicide when a nasty old bum walked up and asked her what she was doing. "I'm going to kill myself" she said. The bum then asked "Well, if you're gonna kill yourself do you wanna have sex first?" "Oh Hell no!" the girl replied. "Fine" said the bum. "I'll just wait at the bottom then"
At the nursing home I am getting rid of evidence
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
So I'll make your HOLE weak :)
Now imagine NOT being in jail or getting shot
But then I didn't, because what if he just have a blast. You never know, and I didn't want to take any risk ...
4,000 years ago, Jewish God gave the Jews Israel as their homeland under a contract, where the terms were "If you uphold the 613 commandments of God, your homeland canbe Israel." ; The Jews broke the terms of the contract, they didn't uphold the 613 commandments of God, and due to this breach of contract, Jewish God stripped them of any rights to live Israel. When you have a Jewish God, of course you're going to get fucked over for breach of contract!
Everywhere
You have to sit in the back of the oven.
They tried to take a shit in the middle of the Autobahn but the cars were going too fast.
Deformed.
A School Bus Full Of Children
She even had to stand in the back of the gas chamber.
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