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avatar Devonmartino 9 year.agoWhoever said white boys can't jump...

...has never seen footage from 9/11.

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

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funny dad jokes
1. What's the difference between Santa and the Jews?

Santa goes down the chimney

2. Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs. Ethiopia soccer game?

Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.

3. School for Blacks

A black guy runs crying home to his mom saying “all the other kids in my class know their ABC’s, but I only got as far as H. Am I stupid?” No, his mom replied. “It's because you're black”. A couple of days later he runs crying home again. “All the other kids know how to count to 100, but I only got to 32. Am I stupid?” No, his mom replied again. “It's because you're black”. The next day he runs home with a big grin on his face saying, “me and the other boys measured our dicks and mine was the biggest. Is it because I'm black?” No, said his mom. “It's because all the kids are 6 years old and you're 29”.

4. Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 6.

It's simple meth.

5. Failed my biology test today. They asked, “What do you find inside cells?”

Apparently “black people” wasn’t the correct answer.

6. Did you know that most 9/11 victims were black?

Especially when they didn't jump.

7. Where do Muslims go when they die?

All over the place.

8. Why are black peoples' eyes red after having sex?

Pepper-spray

9. Why are there no muslims in Star Trek?

Because it's the future.

10. A feather and a nigger fall from a tree, which lands first?

The feather... The nigger was stopped by the rope

11. Whats the most positive thing in a black neighborhood

HIV

12. My daghter asked me to kick her out of the house, take her phone, her car off her and never speak to her again.

Well not in those words it was more like "Dad this is my new boyfriend Muhammed"

13. Uncles are like Mexican food

The bad ones make your asshole hurt

14. What's better than winning the Paralympics?

Walking

15. What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?

I feel like a kid again

16. "Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.......

...But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

17. What do you call a black transformer?

Optimus Crime

18. Why didn't the autistic child go to the birthday party?

He wasn't invited.

19. why did god give women cramps

so that they would also have to know what it was like to live with an irritating cunt

20. What is Al-Qaeda's favorite football team?

The New-York Jets

21. When I asked my mom if by any chance I was adopted...

She replied, "That's hilarious! Why on earth would we have chosen you!?"

22. How do Ethiopians celebrate a child's 1st birthday?

They leave flowers on its grave

23. What's a synonym for Islamophobia?

Common sense

24. If Orange Is The New Black,

Does that make Trump our 2nd black President?

25. Why do Indian women have dots on their foreheads?

So their husband can scratch it off on at their wedding to see if he won a gas station, hotel, or a convenience store.

26. What begins with N and ends with R that you never want to call a black man?

"Neighbor" OP:u/paszdahl2 in r/ImGoingToHellForThis

27. Guy gets out of prison.

A man had been locked up in prison for 10 years. He finally gets out and only has $10 to his name. He decides that he wants to go to a whorehouse with this money (because the men are separate from women in prison). He gets there and speaks to the lady up front and asks her if there is any whore he can get for $10. She tells him about one that only costs $5, so he gladly accepts, pays the money and heads to the woman's room. He gets in there and they exchange a few words before fucking. The man says out loud, "Man this is the worst sex I've had before in my life, it feels like sandpaper." She replies by telling him that she can fix this for an extra $5. He gives her the cash because he might as well and she heads to the bathroom for a few minutes before coming back out. They start going at it again and he says, "Man this is the best I've ever had, what'd you do in there?" To which she replies, "For an extra $5 I peel off all the scabs."

28. Why shouldn't you make fun of Chinese people's names?

Because it's wong

29. Feminism

30. Opinions are like orgasms.

Mine's more important and I don't give a fuck if she has one.

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