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avatar RickSlimes 8 year.agoFor every upvote this gets, my girlfriend and I will try one thrust of anal sex.

Please don't upvote. Her strap-on is huge.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. The Little Mermaid

They asked for a ginger to be cast in the live action Little Mermaid movie, but unfortunately the casting director was severely dyslexic

2. What do you call the world’s worst recycling center?

r/MeanJokes

3. Why is tumblr bad for your health ?

it's full of transfats

4. My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer and the doctor said she had to have a double mastectomy, so I went on-line to see if there was an alternative...

Susan, 31, is only 5 miles from me looks a good one...

5. Pedophilia is not funny.

It's fucking childish.

6. A little boy with no arms wants chocolate

He goes into the kitchen and asks his mother: "Mom, can I have some chocolate?" The mother goes: "You know the rule: no arms, no chocolate" The boy starts crying and his mother goes: "I'm just kidding! Here, catch!"

7. What's black and white and red all over?

An interracial couple that got what's coming to them.

8. Feminism.

9. Q: What has 14 heads, 6 fingers, and 8 legs?

A: The finish line to the Boston marathon

10. What's a niggers favorite grape?

Gangrape

11. If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a racist

I'd have so much money that I'd probably get mugged by a black guy.

12. My biology teacher asked me "what's commonly found in cells?"

Apparently niggers wasn't the right answer.

13. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog because he shuts up after you let him in.

14. There's a new drug for lesbians on the market to cure depression...

It's called Trycoxagain.

15. Why Do Disabled Kids Always Get Bullied?

Cause They Can’t Stand Up For Themselves.

16. Some black guy came up to me

Some black guy came up to me and said, "Nice shirt faggot, did your mommy pick it for you?" I replied, "No actually, your grandparents did."

17. Fat girl goes to the doctor and asks advice on how to lose weight, doctor says you need to shake your head, girl says how often do I have to do that? Doctor replies:

Every time someone offers you food you fat Cunt...

18. What do black guys have that’s double the size of most white men and gets bigger every time they touch a white woman?

Their criminal record.

19. What gets easier to pick up as it gets heavier?

Women

20. My brothers girlfriend just got cancer.

And he did something really romantic and proposed to her on the spot to make her feel better. So you see that ladies, us men can be romantic and spontaneous, it's that we just don't like long term commitments.

21. Stutter

A man walks into a bar and begins to order a beer, "O-O-One b-beer p-please." The bartender responds, "Hey man, I used to have the same stuttering problem. Then I went home, asked my wife to give me some head, and the next day I was cured." After hearing this the man rushed off before even getting his beer. The next day, the man returns and again orders a beer, "O-One b-b-b-beer p-please". The bartender asks, "didn't work huh?". The man replies, "No, b-b-b-but you have a l-l-lovely house!"

22. How to get a school shooting to happen in an all black school?

Call the cops

23. I was blessed with a 9 inch penis...

That priest is in jail now. __________

24. How are children like cell phones?

If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead.

25. A young girl comes home one day...

...and approaches her father, who is sitting in the living room. "Daddy," she says, "a strange man did something bad to me at the park today." The father, suddenly very attentive, turns to face his daughter. "Oh, god... okay, sweetie, you need to understand that it absolutely wasn't your fault, and you will not get in trouble for telling me about it. Can you explain what happened?" "Well," the girl begins, "I was playing in the sand, when the man came up to me and told me to come with him behind a tree." "Oh, god," mutters the father. "Then what?" "Then he pulled down his pants and showed me his thing." "Oh, god!" the father exclaims. "What happened next?" "Then," the girl continues, "he pulled up my dress and touched me on my underwear." "Oh, god!" shouts the father. "Sweetie, what happened after that?" The girl answers with a shrug. "Nothing. That was it." "Well, make something up! I haven't finished yet!"

26. TIL that 25% of American women are receiving medication for mental illness. 25%! That's horrifying!

It means 75% of them are running around untreated!

27. What do pizzas and parents have in common?

If they are black, you've got nothing to eat.

28. I don't know what she's talking about most of the time

I woke up this morning and saw my wife sitting on the edge of the bed with two black eyes. "What the fuck happened to you?" I asked. "This is what happens when you drink 9 pints of lager," she replied. "That's bullshit," I said, looking in the mirror, "I drank 9 pints of lager last night and my face is fine."

29. Daily dose of dark jokes

A little girl goes into the shower with her mom. She looks up at her mothers' breasts and says "Mommy, when will I get those?" Her mother says "when you're older". A few days later she goes into the shower with her dad. She looks up at his penis and says "Daddy, when will I get one of those?" Her father says "when your mother leaves for work".

30. After work, I volunteer to help blind children.

By the way, verb not adjective

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