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avatar thefran 8 year.agoCongratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate!

The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Half Life 3

2. I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

3. My first highschool football game was alot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody and sore at the end. But at least my dad came.

4. If I had a dollar for every gender...

I'd have $2 and a pile of counterfeits.

5. What's the difference between a straight wedding and a gay wedding?

The reasons the parents are crying.

6. How do you start off a racist joke?

With a small loan of $1 million from his father

7. Jesus, take the wheel

Carlos take the stereo and I'll take lookout

8. I got a call from an ex-girlfriend crying and telling me she was HIV positive.

The hardest part is always having to act surprised.

9. What happened after the Jews executed Jesus?

God created Hitler.

10. I persuaded my girlfriend to smuggle my coke through customs, by sticking it up her ass...

I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge...

11. What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet?

The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

12. Spreading a woman's legs is like spreading butter

It can be done with a credit card fairly easily, but I prefer to use a knife

13. The other day, I saw the headline, "Woman Beats Off Rapist"...

And I thought, "That seems like a reasonable compromise."

14. I gave my girlfriend an orgasm last night...

The ungrateful bitch spat it out...

15. How did Stephen Hawking die?

He lost wifi connection

16. How do you say goodbye to 100 million people?

With a virus.

17. What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer

18. Out on a blind date.

I told her, being funny is the 2nd best way to get a girl into bed. She said "What's the best way?" I said "A big knife" She laughed and said "You're funny" I said "wise choice"

19. What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary after sex?

I'll be home in 20 minutes!

20. Told my girlfriend that my mom is deaf, so speak loud and slow...

Told my mom that my girlfriend is retarded...

21. My stalker just threatened to kill herself if I didn't love her back...

It's nice when problems resolve themselves like that. _______ xpost: r/sickipedia

22. Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?

Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

23. What do you call a sluts brain?

A thot process

24. 2% of Africans are now obese.

The other 98% still live in Africa.

25. Why are Americans so bad at MOBA games?

Because they can't defend their towers.

26. My wife and I planned on committing suicide together...

But when she killed herself things started to look a lot more positive.

27. How did a priest get the nun pregnant?

He got an altar boy to lick her cunt.

28. How can you tell if your wife is dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

29. I hate my self a little for this...

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... *He still hasn't unwrapped his present!!!*

30. The Fast and The Furious 10 title should be dedicated to Paul Walker

Fast 10: Your Seatbelts

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Here, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!

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