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avatar lookiesee321 8 year.agoHillary and Trump are in a boat and it sinks. Who survives?

I'd say Hillary. According to Bill, she never goes down.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. What do a nigger and a bike have in common?

Neither works without a chain.

2. My girlfriend came home earlier than normal last night and caught me cheating on her.

I'm not sure what she was more upset about: that I was fucking our daughter, or that the abortion clinic let me bring her home.

3. Turns out Jesus really WAS black

He lived at home until he was 30, was homeless for two years and wound up on death row

4. Retards are like Slinkies...

Not really good for anything, but make you smile when you push them down the stairs.

5. They say a woman's work is never done

maybe that's why they get paid less.

6. Why are murders in West Virginia so hard to solve?

There's never any dental records and all the DNA is the same.

7. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died

8. What starts with N, ends with R, and is something you don't want to call a black guy?

Neighbor

9. When the judge asked me why I stole the newborn from the adoption center, I simply replied:

“It’s not stealing if no one wants it”

10. Due to years of drinking and drugs, Ozzy Osbourne can handle a drink

He just can’t hold it

11. What’s black on top and white on the bottom?

Rape.

12. What's the best way to celebrate a black kid's 16th birthday in America?

By putting flowers on his grave.

13. Why did the grand juror take popcorn to Ferguson, Missouri?

He didn't want to miss the midnight premier of Planet of the Apes.

14. What's difference between dollars and Jews?

I'd give a shit if I lost 6 million dollars.

15. What's a baby look like after 10 minutes in blender?

How am I supposed to know, after 6 minutes I'm done jacking off and have lost all interest.

16. What do you call a punch that can take out a whole class of Kindergarteners at once?

A Sandy Hook.

17. How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb

Trick question, feminists can't change anything

18. Why do abortion jokes make you laugh so much?

Because they bring out the kid in you.

19. What do you call a bird that denies war crimes?

A turkey

20. Women are like parking spaces

Usually all the best ones are taken, so when no ones looking, stick it in the disabled one.

21. My teacher asked me what a main feature of a greek tragedy was....

Apparently Bankruptcy was the wrong answer.

22. After death, what organ in the female body stays warm?

My cock.

23. Just Back from Holidays in Thailand and I came so close to shagging a lady boy

Looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady, it was only when she drove me to her place and reversed the car into the garage I thought, " Hang on a fucking minute"

24. What do you call a muslim with glasses?

See-Four

25. Two catholic priests

Get pulled over, the cop tells them " I'm sorry to bother you but we're looking for two child molesters" the priests look at each other, talk for a minute and say " ok we'll do it"

26. Why was the Gay man fired from the Sperm Bank?

He was caught drinking on the job!

27. Why do fat girls give better head?

Because they have to.

28. My condolences to the people in Las Vegas.

Nobody should ever be subjected to country music.

29. A couple goes to the hospital to have a baby...

Afterwards the doctor comes in and tells them, "I have good news and bad news." Concerned, they ask for the bad news first. He tells them that the baby is a ginger. The parents say, "Well I guess we can learn to live with a ginger baby. It might not be so bad. What's the good news?" "It's dead!"

30. Why did the redneck cross the road?

He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken

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