Xafniko 6 year.agoA blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.” When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. “Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?” The blonde nods… “I’ll tell you, I'd thought I was going to drop dead that third day." “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor. “No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.
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Xi Jinping, head of the Communist Party in China, calls up President Trumo with an emergency. He says "Our largest condom factory has exploded! My people's favorite form of birth control. It's a diaster! So the American President says "Xi, the American people would be happy to do anything without our power to help you." So Xi says, "I do need your help. Could you possibly send one million condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?" President says "Certaninly I'll get right on it." And he says "Oh, and one more favor please?" "Yeah." "Could the condoms be red in color, at least 10 inches long, and at least 4 inches in diameter?" President says "You want'em all the same size?" Xi says, "Yeah, 10 inches long, 4 inches in diameter, red in color." Trump says "No Problem." He hangs up the phone, he calls the president of Trojan and he says "I need a favor. You've gotta make one million condoms right away and send'em to China." Trojan guy says "Consider it done." President says "Great. Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10 inches long and 4 inches wide." Trojan guy says, "Easily done. Anything else?" President says "Yeah, one more thing. Print "Made in American, size small on each one." This joke was from Joe Bob Briggs on Shudder.
Two jews were fighting over a penny
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Husband: tell me something which will make me happy and sad at the same time wife: your dick is longer than your friends
Because you know that they can't fight back
The only time paedophiles get home delivery.
Guess, women slipped to 3 now.
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out of a window.
Trans Atlantic slave trade
Because women know that men deserve better.
Having to drop the bomb on her twice, before she gets it.
Me: "Bitch you should be making oats!"
Made a coonskin cap
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
It was great turning it into a 3v1.
Old enough to mount.
the police
He was hiding in the bushes and when a child would pass by he was like "hey kid, wanna buy a candy?"
I cry when I cut onions.
Aliens vs. Predators
Except at a funeral.
He orders a beer.
Cut off one leg and make it run across Canada.
restaurant in peace
meaning she has to spend the next three weeks wearing a cone.
I mean, the people at that Lynyrd Skynyrd concert got really excited when I yelled out “free bird!”, but for some reason they weren’t interested in my parrot.
It's called "A Fistula Full Of Dollars"
Ewwwwwwwwe
Later in bed she gave me a treat. Let’s say by the end of it I had blue balls.
I mean It really goes without saying
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