gebertirim 6 year.agoThanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.Apparently only DC movies can do that.
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I'm never doing that again. I'm going back to whipped cream.
The more I miss da meaner I get!
You call her
They told me that if I keep up what I'm doing they'll take me on a waterboarding trip to Guantanamo Bay. So excited!
So I chose "Snow White and the 7 Dwarves".
He would drown.
Call it foolish pride, but I refuse to do anyone else's bidding.
Your wife has to chew before she swallows
A big misunderstanding ensued.
They had been spent 24 hours straight on this until they got too tired and decided to call it a day
Then tell me why - girls fear cockroaches more than guys?
They were un-ovoid-able
Because it’s made of Cryptonite
Just like yo momma.
When I woke up the next morning my dick was in the kitchen making me breakfast.
“Vhat do you mean?” he replied. “It’s the thing vith arms and legs that gets me everywhere I vant to go!”
The slogan? "When it comes to fine dining, we go hard."
After some preliminary discussions, they got to their main agenda item: Why are there so many more blonde jokes than redhead jokes? The RedHead Executive Board had hired a panel of “dark hairs” to investigate this over the previous year and as they approached the stage to give their report the room grew silent in anticipation. As they started the presentation, they noticed looks of utter confusion on the faces in the audience. So they began simplifying things, with only faint flickers of comprehension appearing in the crowd. They decided to punt and get to the bottom line. Their conclusion was brief and, given the audience, used only simple words: “Comedians work hard to make up funny stories about silly things that blondes could do. But for you redheads, the stories are all true.”
The ICU
Well, her coach was a pumpkin..
Those who can count and those who can't.
So that’s where I put my foot down
Our two heroes, Fast Freddy and Slow Sam, partners for years, digging further and further into the mountain on their golf claim. After many years of making a meager living finally hit the jackpot and find a huge deposit of gold and after loading up their mule, they are off to town to sell their gold and celebrate. After some discussion they decide they are going to have sex with all the ladies at the brothel one right after the other. First to go after flipping a coin is Sam. "Wham...Bam...Thank....You.... Ma'am" says Sam, and he moves onto to the next "Wham...Bam...Thank...You... Ma'am" next one "Wham...Bam... Than... You... Ma'am" Now Freddy is very excited and starts down the line after his partner 'wham Bam thank you ma'am, wham Bam thank you ma'am, wham Bam thank you ma'am, wham Bam sorry Sam, wham Bam thank you ma'am "
I’ll call it No Loafs Refused.
His name was gothlaith
Ein Stein
Then he said I owe him $200 for the visit.
As they’re about to order, the bartender holds his hand up to stop them and says, “I think I have just the thing for each of you. Give me a minute.” He returns in a moment and gives the first two cats each a bowl of milk. He hands a bowl with a single piece of fur to the third cat. Puzzled, the third cat asks “What’s this supposed to be? Why do you think I’d want a piece of fur?” The bartender says, “Well, that’s not just any piece of fur, it's the hair of the dog that bit you.”
She shouted out, "who's there" a voice replied it's the blind man, she says "come in" he replies nice tits now where do you want the blind!!
Two city slickers decided they were tired of the city life and moved to the country to try farming. They went to town to price tractors and found them VERY costly. Two shrewd country fellows over-heard the slickers and asked them, "Have you considered mules?" The slickers replied, "No, we didn't." The country boys offered to sell them two mule eggs. "Mules eggs?" asked the slickers. "Yes, they are much cheaper, and you can raise them yourself and they'll obey you better." "Hey! That makes sense!" So the country boys sold them two mule eggs (two water melons painted black) for $50.00. The slickers gently placed the "mule eggs" in the back of their truck and headed for the farm. "Boy, we sure got a good deal on those mule eggs didn't we?" the one slicker asked the other. "We sure did!" and they happily made their way down the road neglecting to see a huge pot-hole in the road. WHAM! They hit the hole and the driver looked back to see one of the "mule eggs" go flying out of the truck. They slammed the brakes on just as the egg hit a rock. When it did a jack rabbit took off from behind the rock. One of the slickers yelled, "There goes one of our mules, he's getting away!" So the faster of the two took off after him. Thirty minutes later he came back winded and with no mule. The slicker that stayed behind asked, "So, he got away huh?" The other replied panting, "Yeh, he got away (pant, pant) but that's o.k., I couldn't have plowed that fast anyways."
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