Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

She heads over to the guy at the register and says, "D...d....dddddoo you sell any d...ddd...dildos?" He says, "Uh, yes ma'am we do." She replies, "D.dd..dd.do you have any dd.ddd.ddd..dd dildos that are p...ppp....pp..pink and t..t..tte. ten inches long?" "Uh, yes ma'am we do." "Well h...hhhh.how in the ffff...f.fff..fuck do you t.tttt.turn it off?"

When I got inside, it turned out to be a TOILET.

I told her that she definitely had

In fact, I can't be bothered to go at all!

I just tell everyone I have a pet Rock

Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I looked in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh, well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?!?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"

Now they're experimenting with busses, trains and airplanes to run on thyme!

Cross.

Bezos faceplant.

The interviewer said, "I don't think honesty is a weakness." I replied, "I don't give a fuck what you think!"

He’s *Rizz-en*!

Hypothermia.

She's drop dead gorgeous, has great style and I just cut a deadly silent one.

The new company is called “Hoppy Endings”

Has Dave come out yet?

It's not hard.

A JIZZillion!

A transformer

…and the clerk said, “No, it’s mostly just the regular porn stars..”

An epileptic oyster shucker shucks between fits.

I went grocery shopping on an empty stomach. I am now the proud owner of aisle 5.

On the night of their honeymoon, a newlywed couple had an unfortunate accident, resulting in the amputation of the groom's left foot. Unable to control her grief, the bride calls her mother from the hospital. "Mom," she sobs, "my husband has only one foot." The mother, trying to console her daughter, says, "That's alright dear, your father only has six inches."

"Cancun. But I'm a little worried." "How come?" "Well, the last two vacations, my wife has ended up pregnant. Last year it was Las Vegas, and she got pregnant. The year before that it was Miami, and sure enough, she got pregnant." "Wow! You'd better take precautions this time!" "I'm planning on it. For starters, I'm taking her with me this year."

so seven asked the person if he had any final desires. the person stayed quiet for a while, and then said that he always wanted to take a trip to the beach. So seven worked hard and saved up money for the trip, after multiple jobs and 2-3 weeks of overtime he finally collected the money and tickets. They went to the beach, booked a resort, had as much as fun as they could. But as the sun was about to set, the person suddenly fell and coughed up blood. Seven came close and was crying and screaming for help, when the person with his dying breath said "This was my final fantasy, seven"

At least Toilet's Paper has more Shitation

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Things get really heated until Geppetto says "I ought to just turn you into a Venetian blind!" And Pinocchio replies "Oh the thought of it makes me shutter!"

A man, about 80, goes to his doctor for a checkup because he is planning to get married. After congratulations and a clean bill of health, the doctor asks about his fiancée. The old man shows him a photo of a very beautiful, mid-twenties young lady. Thinking his patient might not be able to keep up with the physical stress of married life, he says, "I think you should consider getting a paying guest to keep your wife company while you have your regular naps." The patient agrees. Months later, the doctor bumps into the old man and asks, "How is married life?" The patient says, "Congratulate me, doctor. My wife is pregnant." The doctor congratulates him, and asks, "And did you take my advice about the paying guest?" "I certainly did, doctor. Thank you for that advice." "I see it worked out then," said the doctor, trying hard to hide his smile. "Oh yes, it did. She's pregnant too."

*FORE*fathers!

I live next to an old man who clearly has advanced dementia. Every morning when I leave for work he asks me if I've seen his wife, and I have to tell him she died ten years ago. My girlfriend says why don't you just move away so you don't have to go through this every morning? I tell her I would miss the smile he gives me every morning when he hears it.