Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

Concentration problems

turns out Hollywood wants to be in me as a kid too

When I get older I'm going to name my son stupid, so when people ask me "Are you fucking stupid?" I can say "yes."

Wrecking a 19 year old pussy.

Little Seizures

two nukes weren't enough Edit: got banned from r/history for using this joke over there Edit 2: thanks for the support guys, they can grow three arms but they cant take a joke?

You can put a silencer on a gun.

Shooting started today at around 4PM on Westminster Bridge

I mean look at what happened when 3 million Jews got baked

An eternity in heaven.

The gap between a down syndrome kids eyes

The only thing left were the work boots.

Maybe you should lighten up a little.

A stewardess comes around offering drinks. She first approaches the Christian and asks if he'd like a drink. The christian replies, "if our lord and savior Jesus Christ wasn't shy to a glass of red, nor will I be!" So she pours him a small plastic cup of red wine. She proceeds to ask the Jew if he would like a beverage. The Jew replies "I wouldn't 'passover' the offer, I've got nowhere to be!" Finally she arrives at the Muslim and offers the same to which the Muslim replies, "sorry no thank you, I'm going to be piloting a plane soon and I really should be sober."

As soon as he leaves the room

Police Chief: "These are fantastic qualifications! You're a star recruit but we have one last test" Recruit: "What's that?" Police Chief: "Take this revolver, go outside, shoot one black guy and a rabbit." Recruit: "Why a rabbit?" Police Chief: "Great attitude, you've got the job."

You rape'em we scrape'em. No Fetus can beat us. Edit 1: As of November 3rd 2016 someone awesome have me reddit gold. Thank you kind stranger.

Gatorade *Edit, thanks for the gold kind stranger :)

For the life of me, I couldn’t think of what I had done wrong. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t sharing my popcorn...

I think she realized she'd lost the argument, because she didn't even reply. She just lifted the baby out of the sink and went upstairs...

I don’t know but it must be more than 10 cuz my basements still pitch black

i don't know. i just fly the drones

When I asked her if she would like to act out my favorite rape fantasy, she said "No".

Reload

Freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it

The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. “We’re sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife”, said one of the troopers. “Tell me! Did you find her?”, Wilkens exclaimed. The troopers looked at each other. One said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?” Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.” The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay .” “Oh my God!”, exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?” The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.” Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?” The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”

No matter how much protective garments they wear, there's still a chink in the armour.

stands for food

Depends on the gun you use

The sex is great but it isn't easy getting her husband’s voice right. xpost - r/sickipedia