Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

Captured by Indians tied to a stake the Indians went to gather wood to burn him he called Silver his trusty horse over whispered in his ear the horse galloped off toward town a while later his horse returned carrying a beautiful naked blonde the Lone Ranger yelled out I said posse

I hear that youth in Asia is the way to go.

It's a small world!

The guy smiles and says, "Cool. I’ve always wanted $150K."

What are corridors called in a psychiatric ward? Psycho-path

They both are rough and tough and don't take no shit off of anybody.

When I knocked on the door she asked "who is it?" So I left

But after the boss saw everyone's reaction when someone hit it by mistake, the sign was changed to say "panic button"

Retirement not found

It's a shame they'll never meet

I was a bit distracted when she tossed out ideas for a specialty food business she was starting. Otherwise I could have suggested fruit, or bread, or candy, or pretty much anything other than nuts.

A man finds out that his wife has a date with her lover at a hotel. He shows up at the location with a loaded gun, bursts into the room, and catches them naked in bed. Then, desperate, he takes the gun and points it at his temple. The two lovers look at him in shock and then burst out laughing. The man then yells, "There's nothing funny about this, you're next!"

I say "That's a good money for a Gay prostitute, great money actually, but who the hell gave you 5 cents" He goes, "Every single one of them"

“If I died tomorrow, would you get remarried?” he asked “Well, I am still young and I don’t want to live alone, so I probably would.” she replied softly “Would you stay in this house?” he asked “I guess I would, since it’s nice and I really like it!” she replied. “Would you let him drive my truck?” he asked “It’s useful where we live and I get a kick out of driving it myself,” she replied with a laugh “But would you let him use my golf clubs” he asked “No, he’s left handed”

Tequila mocking girl

You just have it delivered to the wrong address,

The younger of the two is going on about a new relationship he is in. He tells the older man how gorgeous his girl friend is. After a bit he offers a picture from his cell phone. The second man says "If you think she is gorgeous you should see my wife." The first man responds "Oh is she really good looking?" To which the second man says "Well yes but more importantly, she is an optometrist."

I mean, enlarging and an existing drill hole is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting!

I think we’re definitely gonna have a lit time.

... then 558 people should be able to make a baby in 1 day.

Son of a bitch.

Pretty sure he found out I don't have any pets.

She was still oedipal.

He asked me who that was singing and I said, “It’s Kendrick Lamar, a hip hop artist.” He said, “Interesting. Our hip pop artist doesn't sing when she stops by on 'Chiropractor Thursdays'."

They set a test having checked the questions can't possibly have dirty answers. The class does the test and they look at Johnny's answers, and can't see any problems. So they read out the questions and get one of the good students to read out her answers. Question A: A person who sells tickets for a show Question B: A word for a rich or upper class person. Question C: The way a general might begin a speech The good student responds: A: Box Office Attendant B: Billionaire C: Troops! So she asks Little Johnny to do the same. He says A: Tout B: Toff C: Men!

As they were walking home through the dark they cut through a grave yard for a quick pee. The first lady peed and decided to wipe her self with her own cheap knickers that she was wearing and then threw the cheap knickers away. The second lady then peed behind a grave stone but she was wearing her very expensive kinky knickers and wanted to keep them. So she felt around the grave stone to see if she can find anything to wipe herself with... She came across a silky red ribbon and decided to wipe herself with it. Both ladies were feeling refreshed and made their way home... The next day, their two husbands called each other up. The first husband said: "these girly night out need to stop! My wife came home with no knickers" The second husband replied: "that's nothing! My wife came home with writing on her upper thighs that said: THANK YOU FROM THE WHOLE FIRE BRIGADE"

A lot of talk about red and black, barely any mention of green, and a runtime that feels like an eternity

They have the same middle name...yuck yuck -source Jimmy Carr

Because it’ll always be On the rocks.

Naturally, many of the other pigs found this deeply disturbing and they went to see Farmer Brown to talk about Peter's strange behavior. He told them, "Bring Peter to me and I'll give him some intense counseling sessions." So Peter went off with Farmer Brown. A week later the pigs went up to the farmhouse to ask how Peter's counseling was going. Farmer Brown opened the door and, munching on a piece of bacon, told them “Don’t worry about Peter. I’ve cured him.”