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avatar coryjdees 5 year.agoWhat’s the easiest way to babysit a black kid?

Put Velcro on the ceiling and tell it to jump

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Asians are such terrible drivers

I'm beginning to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.

2. Why don't Jew's eat pussy?

Too close to the gas chamber

3. Hi, I'm black and I can't stand it when people just assume we're all criminals.

-Sent from your iPhone-

4. I know you shouldn't pick favorites when it comes to your kids.

But only one of my daughters does anal, so it's really no contest.

5. How did Michael Jackson get food poisoning?

He ate an 11-year old bun.

6. What do black dads and nerf bullets have in common?

They both disappear fast

7. What’s the difference between liquid and Palestine

Liquid is a legitimate state

8. Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?

Because they make the toys.

9. XXXTentacion is not dead, he's just not mainstream anymore

He's an underground artist now

10. Two black guys are walking down the street...

Two black guys are walking down the street and see a sign that says turn white for $75 Black guy one: "Do you think it will work? Black guy two: "Only one way to find out." BG1: "I only have $50" BG2: "Well, I have $100, I'll go do it then give you my change BG1: "Let's do it then" BG2 goes in and fifteen minutes later comes out white as a ghost, wearing a brand new suit and carrying briefcase. BG1: "Holy shit it actually worked! Let me get that $25" BG2: "Fuck you, nigger. Get a job." ___________ xpost:r/sickipedia

11. What has one finger and is very demanding?

A ransom note...

12. What's the difference between Greta Thunberg and the Indian cashier at 7Eleven?

The Indian cashier can provide actual change.

13. Congratulations USA

Zero School shootings so far this year!

14. Half Life 3

15. I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

16. My first highschool football game was alot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody and sore at the end. But at least my dad came.

17. If I had a dollar for every gender...

I'd have $2 and a pile of counterfeits.

18. What's the difference between a straight wedding and a gay wedding?

The reasons the parents are crying.

19. How do you start off a racist joke?

With a small loan of $1 million from his father

20. Jesus, take the wheel

Carlos take the stereo and I'll take lookout

21. I got a call from an ex-girlfriend crying and telling me she was HIV positive.

The hardest part is always having to act surprised.

22. What happened after the Jews executed Jesus?

God created Hitler.

23. I persuaded my girlfriend to smuggle my coke through customs, by sticking it up her ass...

I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge...

24. What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet?

The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

25. Spreading a woman's legs is like spreading butter

It can be done with a credit card fairly easily, but I prefer to use a knife

26. The other day, I saw the headline, "Woman Beats Off Rapist"...

And I thought, "That seems like a reasonable compromise."

27. I gave my girlfriend an orgasm last night...

The ungrateful bitch spat it out...

28. How did Stephen Hawking die?

He lost wifi connection

29. How do you say goodbye to 100 million people?

With a virus.

30. What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer

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Here, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!

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