Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

She said, "Okay, do something spontaneous right now." So I panicked and proposed to a waiter. Long story short: I'm not seeing that girl anymore, but me and Greg are registered at Target.

Eggsorcism.

Then I turned 12.

Because they are hill areas

When he puts his fishing line into the hole, he hears a loud voice say "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE THERE." So he gets up, moves a short distance away, cuts another hole in the ice, and lowers in his line. Once again he hears the loud voice say "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE THERE." So he gets up again, moves a little way, cuts another hole, and lowers in his line. The voice says, even louder, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE THERE EITHER." "Who *is* that?" the ice fisherman says, looking round. "Is that God?" "NO," says the voice, "THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."

Only real people should vote. They're theoretical.

were named Brody, Kenny, Conrad and Dominic. On a night out with with thier dad, they asked how they got thier names. The dad replied "The answer is simple. Take the first three letters of you names and put them together".

At his engagement party, the guy confided to a friend, “I turned over a new leaf and abstained from sex with my fiancée, but before that I was quite promiscuous.” Winking and gesturing, he boasted, “I’ve had sex with every female in this room except for my sister and my fiancée.” “Wow,” chuckled his friend, “between the two of us, we’ve had them all!”

"Three," I replied honestly. Apparently that was a problem.

He said, “It wasn't yours.”

A farmer has a cow with horrible diarrhea and can't figure out how to make it stop, so they call the top scientists in the area, and three respond. One suggests a diaper, but the other two dismiss the idea as preposterous. The second suggests using the results as fertilizer, but the third points out that this does not resolve the problem. The third comes up with the solution, and they all agree, a large plug. This solution works for a while until the cow begins to expand from all the compacted feces. The three scientists decide that the best solution would be to train a monkey to go in and retrieve the plug so as to avoid human injury. Later, at the hospital, the doctors ask the scientists what they remember of what happened. The first scientist describes the horrible, unbearable smell. The second scientist recalls the feeling of being drenched in thousands of pounds of cow diarrhea. When the doctor gets to the third scientist, they say, "All I remember is the poor monkey trying to put the plug back in!" Credit to u/thraway4242

I’ll never rent from them again

"This is a helluva way to spend Easter."

Eats a serving of best pasta , Stands up, takes a pistol out of his side pocket, and start to walk away, The manager asks him what is the meanings of this The panda replies, look for the meanings in a dictionary. Manager finds a dictionary, and the entry is Panda: A bear like animal who eats shoots and leaves.

Well that's what I get for hiring a RENOvation company

The pastor tells them how to find Jesus

The black box was found and the investigators listened to the pilots' conversation, and they instantly knew the cause of the crash was poor visibility. The last words of the pilots was "DAM DUDE!"

The government will issue soylent green cards to all immigrants.

Now I'm banned from the Baseball team, it turns out you can't tackle the pitcher like that and call it a sack.

They’re my ten-aunts

He said nothing. Which, honestly, is the correct answer and kind of impressive.

Their age range on dating apps.

...I really don't know why I was expecting fast results?

My calculations today indicate I can retire 10 years after I die.

He awkwardly says to the one lady at the pharmacy counter, "Um, this is embarrassing but I have this condition where about once a day I become incredibly aroused and overcome by the desire to have sex with any woman at all. It's overwhelming! What can you give me for it?" "Hmm," replied the lady, "This is a tough one. I'll have to confer with my sister." After talking to her sister she came back and said, "Well, the best we can do is a furnished apartment, $500 a week and half ownership of the pharmacy."

Mustard Point.

I’ve been told I have this crazy talent where I can be blackout drunk and not slur at all! It’s When I’m completely sober that I’m racist.

Ghee-hee!

Head father says the rule is no talking for a year then he can say 2 words at years end.1st year ends and the father says " how was your 1styear?". He says," Bed hard." Next year he said " Food bad". 3rd year ends and the Father asked " How was the past year? Monk says " I quit!!!" Father says, " No surprise, you've done nothing but complain!"

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