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avatar 4 year.agoWhat's the similarity between a heist in Payday 2 and a burglary?

Shadow Raid.

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1
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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Disappointment

running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose first

2. Talk dirty to me

I'm gonna get you wetter than a spastics chin

3. Why are most North Koreans left handed?

Because they have no rights.

4. I was having rough sex with my German girlfriend

For some reason she kept screaming her age instead of the correct safeword

5. What’s the difference between you and me?

I am not a meth head.

6. I thought of making a groping joke

In the end I didn’t. It’s a touchy subject

7. A Chinese man was eating some eggroll, but was short the equivalent of one cent.

He said, “I'll give you my girl! Hopefully that will be enough to cover it!” The restaurant got him arrested anyway since girls are worthless in China.

8. What kind of punch can kill 6 adults and 20 children?

A Sandy Hook.

9. What’s in a seven-course meal in Ireland?

A six-pack of beer and a potato.

10. An obese women told me a joke.

I didn't laugh but the floor was cracking up

11. What do you call a black astronaut?

Coon on the moon

12. What do you call kids outside of a school zone?

Speed bumps

13. All feminists are lesbians but..

All lesbians are feminists

14. What kind of martial arts do people with Down syndrome and an amputated leg practice?

Partial arts

15. Why did the black boy fall off his bike? He didn't. He fell off your bike.

16. What type of music are homeless people unable to hear?

House music.

17. I like my women how i like my deer

Usually found dead on the side of the road

18. How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck its cock.

19. If you want to save money this Christmas,

now is the perfect time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.

20. I'm absolutely exhausted from my French self-defence class last night.

I've never run so far in all my life.

21. It's been snowing all night. So:

8:00 I made a snowman 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman 8:15 So, I made a snow woman 8:17 My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere 8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it should have been two snowmen instead 8:22 The transgender ma..wom...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts 8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot noses, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with 8:28 I am being called a racist by a pedestrian because the snow couple is white 8:31 The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman must wear a burqa 8:40 Three Police cars arrive saying someone has been offended 8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicts women in a domestic role 8:43 An Equality Act officer arrived and threatened me with prosecution 8:45 TV news crew from the local news station shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I reply, "Snowballs" and am called a sexist. 9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, pervert, racist, homophobic sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather 9:10 Far left protestors offended by everything are marching calling for my head 9:29 My kids are taken from me and I lose my job

22. Why did the Indian cross the road?

The Americans were chasing him.

23. My heart had been beating fast for three days what do I do?

24. I pity the life of Anne Frank.

First she gets her diary published which is every girl's nightmare. Then she doesn't even get to profit from it which is every Jew's nightmare.

25. Okay, here's a short and sweet one.

So, my gf blew me two days ago. The next morning, her breath was rancid. She said it smelled the way my dick tasted. So, this morning my breath was so so bad. I reminded her the last thing I had was her cooking. Anyway, long story short, I am single now.

26. What’s the difference between people watching and stalking?

A restraining order

27. Japanese girls are like my pinky...

Small cute, and I’m probably gonna bang it on my coffee table

28. Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

29. I came out of the supermarket this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out. She’d lost all her savings. I felt so sorry for her I gave her $50. I don’t usually do that kind of thing, but luckily...

...I’d just found $5,000 in the parking lot...

30. The word ginger is just the n word reorganized.

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