Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

After some preliminary discussions, they got to their main agenda item: Why are there so many more blonde jokes than redhead jokes? The RedHead Executive Board had hired a panel of “dark hairs” to investigate this over the previous year and as they approached the stage to give their report the room grew silent in anticipation. As they started the presentation, they noticed looks of utter confusion on the faces in the audience. So they began simplifying things, with only faint flickers of comprehension appearing in the crowd. They decided to punt and get to the bottom line. Their conclusion was brief and, given the audience, used only simple words: “Comedians work hard to make up funny stories about silly things that blondes could do. But for you redheads, the stories are all true.”

The ICU

Well, her coach was a pumpkin..

Those who can count and those who can't.

So that’s where I put my foot down

Our two heroes, Fast Freddy and Slow Sam, partners for years, digging further and further into the mountain on their golf claim. After many years of making a meager living finally hit the jackpot and find a huge deposit of gold and after loading up their mule, they are off to town to sell their gold and celebrate. After some discussion they decide they are going to have sex with all the ladies at the brothel one right after the other. First to go after flipping a coin is Sam. "Wham...Bam...Thank....You.... Ma'am" says Sam, and he moves onto to the next "Wham...Bam...Thank...You... Ma'am" next one "Wham...Bam... Than... You... Ma'am" Now Freddy is very excited and starts down the line after his partner 'wham Bam thank you ma'am, wham Bam thank you ma'am, wham Bam thank you ma'am, wham Bam sorry Sam, wham Bam thank you ma'am "

I’ll call it No Loafs Refused.

His name was gothlaith

Ein Stein

Then he said I owe him $200 for the visit.

As they’re about to order, the bartender holds his hand up to stop them and says, “I think I have just the thing for each of you.  Give me a minute.”  He returns in a moment and gives the first two cats each a bowl of milk.  He hands a bowl with a single piece of fur to the third cat. Puzzled, the third cat asks “What’s this supposed to be? Why do you think I’d want a piece of fur?”  The bartender says, “Well, that’s not just any piece of fur, it's the hair of the dog that bit you.”

She shouted out, "who's there" a voice replied it's the blind man, she says "come in" he replies nice tits now where do you want the blind!!

Two city slickers decided they were tired of the city life and moved to the country to try farming. They went to town to price tractors and found them VERY costly. Two shrewd country fellows over-heard the slickers and asked them, "Have you considered mules?" The slickers replied, "No, we didn't." The country boys offered to sell them two mule eggs. "Mules eggs?" asked the slickers. "Yes, they are much cheaper, and you can raise them yourself and they'll obey you better." "Hey! That makes sense!" So the country boys sold them two mule eggs (two water melons painted black) for $50.00. The slickers gently placed the "mule eggs" in the back of their truck and headed for the farm. "Boy, we sure got a good deal on those mule eggs didn't we?" the one slicker asked the other. "We sure did!" and they happily made their way down the road neglecting to see a huge pot-hole in the road. WHAM! They hit the hole and the driver looked back to see one of the "mule eggs" go flying out of the truck. They slammed the brakes on just as the egg hit a rock. When it did a jack rabbit took off from behind the rock. One of the slickers yelled, "There goes one of our mules, he's getting away!" So the faster of the two took off after him. Thirty minutes later he came back winded and with no mule. The slicker that stayed behind asked, "So, he got away huh?" The other replied panting, "Yeh, he got away (pant, pant) but that's o.k., I couldn't have plowed that fast anyways."

Kermit the Frogs finger

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .You're an airy tracked confection.

She said it would cost me $150. I said I didn't have that much, and we were going to have to go to an ATM. When I got back from the ATM, I informed her I didn't require her services any more. "Why not?" "Well, that was actually a sperm back, and I just made a night deposit."

So he won't be spotted

Husband: Work today was terrible Wife: Why, what happened? Husband: Well, I stuck my d*ck in the meat slicer… Wife: Oh my god! Are you okay??? Husband: Yeah, but I got fired... And so did the meat slicer

He sits down close to the musician right by the counter and orders a beer. The bartender serves him, but as soon as the man tries to take a sip out of his glass, a monkey zooms in, pisses in the glass and disappears behind the counter. The bartender seems to not notice. The piano man keeps playing unfazed. Unhappy, the man orders a second beer, but wouldn't you know it, once more the monkey shows up just in time to pee in the glass and run away. He orders a third beer and this happens again, so the man has just about enough. He turns to the piano guy and asks: "Hey, do you know the monkey that's pissing in my beer?" And as he keeps playing his tunes, the piano guy nonchalantly answers: "No, but if you whistle it I can play along with you!"

The bush only tastes like piss for a second.

or as they called it, a punchline.

So I simply avoid anyone who might have one.

One asks: Do you like jokes about planes? The other one replies: No, because they never land.

Me: "I met this gorgeous woman while on vacation in the Islands." Friend: "Nice, where is she from?" Me: "One of those islands down there. Can never remember the name. Starts with a J" Friend: "Jamaica?" Me: "Nah. She wouldn't put out"

One goldfish ask the other, “Do you have any idea how to drive this thing, or fire the main gun?”

He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"

Two sex workers are comparing their worst clients. One says, “Mine paid me in pennies and called it ‘trickle-down economics.’” The other laughs, “That’s nothing—mine asked for a discount because he ‘finished the job himself’ in thirty seconds!

Barium.

They told me to "dress for the job I want rather than the one I have," but somehow going in an astronaut suit wasn't "appropriate" for an accounting job.

They're all so tight-lipped about it.