4 year.agoMexican pet shopThere was this pet shop in Mexico that was pretty popular in its area. The owner sold lizards, fish, hamsters; all sorts of animals. The only thing that he couldn’t sell was this old parrot that he had acquired from across the border named Polly. Every time someone showed interest in Polly she would squawk loudly and flap her wings aggressively; which tended to scare people off. This happened over and over again. Polly seemed to have a problem with every man and woman in Mexico. The shop owner had no idea what to make of it. Until one day a very lovely soft-spoken Hispanic woman came into the shop. She saw Polly and immediately fell in love. The owner of the shop, thinking this could be the day, asked her if she’d like to hold Polly. The soft-spoken woman eagerly accepted his offer. The shop owner opened Polly’s cage and brought her over to the woman. Right on cue, Polly began squawking and flapping her wings; she even managed to bite the Mexican woman. The woman, of course, ran out the shop frightened and bleeding. The shop owner, who had hoped that he might finally sell the Parrot, was furious. He began yelling at the bird, “That woman was so lovely and so kind! What problem did have with her?” In response Polly began to hop and bob her head while repeating, “Polly wants a Cracker! Polly wants a Cracker!”
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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!
There's no steering wheel at the back of the bus
No chance of stopping an uppercut.
They could’ve used the wheels for a bike for a normal kid.
Steven Hawking in a house fire.
Tell her your wife wants abortion rights. Then tell her its because the baby is a girl.
One is on the cover of Playboy and the other is on the cover of National Geographic.
They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
Some of them are white.
“Every morning my husband and I pass each other in the hall and say, ‘Fuck you!’"
I didn't see the driver so I'm not going to assume what gender she was.
Everytime they get a corner they open a store
It only takes one to ruin a neighborhood.
They only put their hands on one to twelve. (Probably been done before)
Okay, so I've been collecting various offensive jokes. I have several jokes for pretty much every demographic I can think of, except for white people. This is where you guys come in. Tell me all your best white people jokes. In exchange, here are some of my favorite jokes I've collected so far: __Jews__ What do you call a Jew that can fly? Smoke. Where do black Jews come from? The oven. Who invented copper wire? Two Jews fighting over a penny. Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill. What's the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler? Phelps can finish a race. What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? A canoe tips. What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jew? A Boy Scout comes back from camp. Why are Jews circumcised? Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't 20% off. __Blacks__ Why did the black third grader have a bigger dick than everybody else? He was 23. How do you starve a nigger to death? Hide his food stamps under his work boots. What's the difference between a dead dog in the middle of the road and a dead nigger in the middle of the road? Swerve marks. How do they make roads in South Africa? They make niggers lay down and have every other one smile. What do you do when you see a black guy with half a face? Stop laughing and reload. Why do black guys have bigger dicks than white guys? Because white guys had toys to play with as kids. Why are there only two pallbearers at a nigger's funeral? Trash cans only have two handles. Why weren't there any blacks in the Flintstones? They were still monkeys. __Mexicans__ What's the difference between a Mexican and an elevator? One can raise a child. What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower? Unemployed. What's a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross country. What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench? One can support a family. What do you call a Mexican fighting a priest? Alien vs. Predator. What do you call a Mexican with no arms? Trustworthy. What's the difference between a Mexican and a pizza? One can feed a family of four. I've got more if you guys want.
Because kids say the darnest things
Optimistic!
Prophets are going through the roof!
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
An auction
at least thats what she told her friends.
There once a thug named brown, who bum rushed a cop with a frown, six bullets later, he met his creator, and his homies burnt down the town
/r/MeanJokes
Doubling Down
Once it starts bleeding it's time to flip her over to the brown side
The lights out. How can you count them?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick
Reverse racism is when you back up over him again after.
I'd say Hillary. According to Bill, she never goes down.
Mediterranean Sea
Little Johnny wakes up one night hearing strange noises from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed's headboard, dad ramming her from behind. Johnny screams. Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for good measure. Johnny runs away, screaming. Once dad has finished mom off, he uncuffs her. She immediately says, 'You better go tell Johnny everything is OK, the shit he just saw could scar him for life". Dad rolls his eyes and begrudgingly agrees. Pulls on his robe and heads for Johnny's room only to find it's empty. He then heads for the TV room but when he passes the guest room, he notices the door is ajar, noises coming from inside. He opens the door to look in and sees Granny on her hands and knees, little Johnny fucking her from behind. Dad screams. Johnny turns around looks at him and says "Yeah, not so funny when it's your mom huh?"
more jokes Here waiting for you
best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
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