Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

His ball ended up behind the greenkeepers shed. His wife said "Open the front and back doors, take out the mower and play through the shed" They do this, he lines up the shot, swings, and the ball hits the beam at the top of the door, comes back, hits his wife in the head and kills her. The man is devastated and gives up golf for years. Eventually he finds new love and decides to try golf again. By coincidence his ball ends up behind the greenkeepers shed again. His new girlfriend says "Open the doors, take out the mower and play through the shed." "No." he replies, "Last time I did that I ended up three shots over."

I guess it's just one more thing she has in common with my wife.

Turned out she was just pulling my leg

What the hell happened to my roof?!

What is a dermatologists favourite film. Star Trek II: The rash of Khan.

I am mentally unstable by design

Interviewer: “What are your strengths?” Me: “I fall asleep instantly.” Interviewer: “And your weaknesses?” Me: “…you’re gonna need to repeat the question.”

Add the NSFW tag

A shihtzu knot.

Say 'I hate happiness' without the 'H's'

So I told him it’s whats inside him that counts

It really sucks to make a difficult cut only to be kicked out later. I should know, the same thing happened to me when I converted to Judaism.

Why do meteorites always land in craters?

How dairy!

He explained to his mother what happened and she informs her grandmother arrives with a cleaver. She visits the bear in the middle of the night and shanks him in complete darkness before putting his head in the picnic basket and sending the basket to his family. Sorry kids, this is not an episode of the show Yogi bear is no longer with us And Bobo is next. Fear mother Russia

Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I touched a man’s private parts.” The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?” She replies, “My right hand.” The priest instructs her to dip her right hand in holy water and say ten Hail Marys. The second nun steps in and confesses, “I touched a man’s private parts with my left hand.” The priest gives her the same penance. As the third nun is about to enter, the fourth nun pushes ahead. The priest asks, “Why did you push ahead in line?” She responds, “Because I want to gargle the holy water before she sits in it!”

I was shock !

You will be mist.

A vegan US platoon in Vietnam could only safely eat canned beans during their deployment. What matching tattoo did they get? “Rippin’ Farts and Breaking Hearts”

I guess you had to be there

A meow-ntain.

During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis...... fifty times."

It was farfetched.

Not all sociopaths harm people.

It's a free country.

They are both quacks.

Where do you work? I work at NASA NASA? What do you do there? I study Uranus. It's my dream job. Wait! I thought you were a proctologist? Exactly.

Sasquats, yeti never misses leg day.

The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breasts." The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yards. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway...about 15 ft. "That was great," the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you're supposed to!"

The man asked his friend: “How’s your back?” Friend: “Better…” Man, shocked: “Better?” Friend: “Better not ask!”