Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

They took 3 corpses into the lab and ran experiments. Subject 1 gets revived and thanks the scientists for saving him from Hell. Subject 2 gets revived and proceeds to scold the scientists for bringing him away from Heaven. Subject 3 gets revived and immediately runs away. When asked, he replies: "What the hell, I was playing Doom! Why'd you bring me here?"

My Lord grant that I may see The day when petrol is tax free, When traffic lights are always green And traffic jams are never seen, And wardens do not wait afar To plant a ticket on my car.

an erection in my sleep pants. But don't worry....I beat it single handed.

One man said, “I’ll take some H2O please”. The second man said “I’ll have some H2O, too”. The second man died.

Police say they've found 300 bodies but the death toll is expected to rise

When I was younger I used to think poop jokes were the greatest now at my age I would say there are a solid number two

Umommy

It was Reese’s niece’s thesis on feces.

My German mate isn't the brightest. I asked him if he knew what number comes after 8. He said no.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

Because he heard the drinks were on the house.

Won’t be making them any longer. Bummer.

You marry her

*loophole*

What the world really needs is a windshield wiper that won't hold parking tickets.

They drop more bombs than Lockheed Martin.

Eventually she will have to run out of pepper spray

Old Grimes is dead, that good old man, We ne’er shall see him more, For what he thought was H2O Was H2SO4.

“We used a team of bees to lure the criminals to the scene and catch them in the act. It was a honey pot sting operation.”

The game was between the rodents and the insects. In the first half, the rodents were doing well, but in the second half, the centipede really pulled the weight of the insect team and ended up winning the game for them. After the insects were done celebrating, the spider went up to the centipede and said, "you did great, but where were you during the first half of the game?" The centipede replies, "I was putting on all of my shoes!"

I saw a job advertised for the cleaning company dealing with a very large skyscraper, cleaning all the mirrors in the building. I thought, there's a job I can see myself doing.

It's a bolognaese

He's really TARIFFIED!

Beat it

He apparently did not.

They let out little prosti-toots

1-2 years, unless you explain that "change" means "replace" not "redesign".

Either way, I’m too hard to read.

When my whole family was panicking in the hopsital because Grandpa needed blood. He reassured us by screaming 'Be positive' until his last breathe.

That he often went barefooted, so the bottom of his feet were rock hard. He often went on hunger strikes so he was weak a lot of the time. He was very religious and in touch with his spiritual side. Due to him traveling around and a hunger strikes his hygiene quite often suffered. One could even say that he was... A super callused fragile mystic with extra halitosis. (Say the last line out loud quickly)