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avatar The_negative1 4 year.agoWhat’s black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. A preschool class is going over animal noises

The teacher asks "so what does the doggy say"? Katie replies "woof" "That's right," says the teacher, "And what does the cow say?" "Moo" says Jonathan "Very good. Now what does the piggy say?" Jamal says "freeze nigga put yo hands up!"

2. How do you make a Jew go everywhere?

Turn on the fan.

3. Blonde Joke.

Jake returns home after a long days work, finds the cupboards bare and thinks "that's strange we went shopping this week". He goes to the garbage can to find jars of peanut butter, yogurt, pill bottles, assorted food they've just bought discarded. He asks "Honey why is all the food in the garbage?" he finds her watching TV in the living room she says "Roger is dead", stunned he runs to the backyard to find their pet seal dead. He runs inside shocked and says "wow that's terrible, but why did you throw out all the food?!" she replies "They containers all said DO NOT USE IF SEAL IS BROKEN".

4. How many femenists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ha, that's a silly question, feminists can't change anything

5. I nearly panicked when I couldn't find my Jordan jersey today.

I almost lost Michael. ​ edit: Sorry, my dyslexic cunt of a son just hacked into my account

6. What do you say to a cooked newborn baby?

It was born ready.

7. Why does Iran not have Wallmarts?

Because they have Targets

8. Why do Japanese people squint?

Because the Atom Bomb is bright

9. You can call my girl nokia 3310,

No matter how many times I beat her, She never breaks.

10. Modern women are like home-brand dishwashing detergent.

They won't clean your dishes and they leave you with a nasty rash.

11. Dating a single mother:

It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game.

12. Fastest way to kill 2 million people?

Throw a cookie off a cliff in Ethiopia

13. I did a stand-up comedy gig for Alzheimer's sufferers. It was brilliant.

Two hours, one joke.

14. What do you call a Black person who was born in Tokyo?

a Japanegro

15. Why do women get yeast infections?

So they can see how it feels to live with an irritated cunt

16. A plane a day keeps the world trade centre away.

17. The guy that convinced Stevie Wonder that he needed sunglasses,

must of been one hell of a salesman.

18. I passed a joint to a Muslim girl and asked if she wanted to get stoned.

She ran away screaming.

19. How many cops does it take to screw In a lightbulb

None they beat the room because its black

20. What’s Ethiopia’s national food?

Daddy’s rotting corpse

21. Cops shouldn't kill blacks...

...until hunting season opens & they can fill their tags.

22. My understanding is that I'm white

But if I was black I would have a wider range of jokes available hopefully people like them here

23. What do you say at a funeral of a suicide bomber?

Rest in piece .

24. Why are there so many female history teachers?

Because bitches love to bring up the past

25. How many black guys does it take to start a movement?

-1

26. Apparently my sister desired to be held by a man.

So I held her at gunpoint.

27. Suicide bombers

What makes them tick?

28. Where do suicide bombers go when they die?

Everywhere.

29. When I travel, I always keep my drugs inside a little tub.

No customs officer is going to anal cavity search a fat eight year old boy.

30. Stephen Hawking was arrested for faking his death.

He's just been charged.

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