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avatar TheFanciestShorts 4 year.agoAbortion is good...

At least 600,000 babies per year would disagree.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. "Non-Stop Making Suicidal Jokes!!!"

"Me-Don't Worry, It'll End Soon." "Me-Ok, Ok, That's The Last One fr." Next Week- Everyone, Crying, In The Graveyard.

2. How can you tell when an idiot's depressed?

Go stand in front of a mirror

3. What's my favorite place to purchase Chinese Finger Traps?

An adoption agency

4. The devil went down to Tennessee

On an unrelated note, Charlie Daniels wasn’t that good at the violin.

5. What happens when a bigger person falls to the ground?

An earthquake.

6. Packers

A couple named Lola and Arnie go to fertility clinic for help conceiving. doctor takes Lola's height and weight and says you're 6 ft 1, 295 lb. You're big enough to play with Green Bay's Packers. Lola says I'd never do that! I don't play with anybody's packer but Arnie's!

7. For sale:

baby shoes, never worn

8. What’s 3 feet tall and can’t walk through a doorway

A baby with a spear through its head.

9. French assault rifle for sale:

Never fired, dropped only once.

10. How did the coronavirus start?

It was Made In China.

11. What are American Muslims’ favorite restaurant to take their wife out to eat?

Raising Canes

12. How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?

9 months.

13. What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?

Nobody cries when they chop up a hooker.

14. What did the middle eastern Katy Perry fans do wrong?

They actually became a firework.

15. When Mother Teresa died, she went straight to heaven...

Upon her arrival she immediately met with God. "Teresa, my child", God started. "You have done countless wonderful things for the world in your lifetime. Please accept this halo." With that, a golden halo appeared above Mother Teresa's head. Some time later, Mother Teresa saw Princess Diana, with a bigger halo over her head. Upset, she asked to meet with God, who agreed. "God, I saw Princess Diana today," said Mother Teresa. "I noticed that her halo was bigger than mine. I know that envy is a sin and I don't mean to question you, but why?" God said "You don't understand. That's not a halo. That's the steering wheel."

16. Abdul,Chen and Jerome are in a car,who's driving?

Inspector johnson

17. Whats the difference between my wife and a punching bag

She cooks

18. Girlfriend asked me why we don't have sex anymore,

Because your dick keeps getting in the way.

19. Atticus: Should I call you my father or my nephew?

Dawson: Both. I rolled in the hay with my meemaw. Fortunately she was still young enough to give birth to you.

20. Dwarves that are offended easily should just grow up

21. I need to show my family who’s boss

I need something really fucking mean for my family. I don’t care what it is but I need suggestions

22. I hate mosquitoes and gnats, so.....

..... I call them niggers. After all, they are actually black, unlike Africans who are technically brown. Gnat lives don’t matter. I’m prejudiced against mosquitoes.

23. This guy commented “that’s a whale not a dolphin” and another guy responded saying “whales are myths” and then I responded “so your mom is a myth?”

24. What does anal sex and vegetables have in common?

If you were forced to have it when you were young, chances are that you probably won’t like it when your older.

25. Never realised the Koran was so accurate, especially when thrown from a close distance.

26. what do 2016 and 2020 have in common?

the death of a gorilla causing nationwide backlash

27. I was gonna post a Jew joke...

But you've probably heard it, like, 6 million times already

28. Won my first fight

The blind kid didn’t know what hit him

29. A pregnant woman goes in to early labour, and because of complications during childbirth, she has to be separated from her child...

...about an hour after giving birth, a doctor enters her room and says "you've given birth to a baby boy, but I'm afraid I have some good news and i have some bad news" Fearing the worst has happened, the woman frantically replies "oh god, just give me the bad news first doctor, straight up!" The doctor says "well...its your babies hair...it's ginger!" The woman breathes a sigh of relief and says "is that all?...so what's the good news?" And the doctor says "he's dead!"

30. What's The Difference Between a Cow & Slavery?

You Can't Milk a Cow For over 150 Years

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