Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

A proctologist only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

So they don’t whistle on the way down.

A tardy-grade

"Never leave a man's behind."

"Is there something I could eat?" "Yes, the hotel restaurant is open till 9:00." "Can you also arrange sex worker services?" "Yes, of course, brenda is available for $50." "How about male sex worker?" "We can offer that too. Brian is available for $500." "Why is Brian 10 times the price of Brenda?" "Well, I am not particularly fond of such practices, so I take $100 for myself. The village preist, obviously, isn't fond of such practices, so he gets $100, and village mayor is a conservative and as such isn't particularly fond of them, so he gets $100." "Does that mean Brian gets $200?" "Nah, those $200 goes to John and Steve that will hold Brian down, because, you see, Brian also is not particularly fond of such practises."

Gringo Starrs

Investigators say they have nothing to go on.

I don't know; they are still saving to buy one.

A threeway

Unfortunately, I didn't have a case.

It scares the hell out of their dogs

We're walking down a dirt road when they saw a sheep caught in a fence. Cleatus said, "I wish that was one of them playboy bunnies." Joe Bob replied, "Shit, I just wish it was dark!"

She said “June 12th. But if he’s at all like his father - he’ll come early!”

I told her she should know what 3 inches looks like by now.

They said it's not fair.

Eventually, he had to resort to using Eminem Domain.

A blonde gets pulled over by a cop and he asks to see her driver’s license. The blonde says “What’s that?” The cop replies “Well, it’s a little plastic thing with your face on it.” The blonde goes through her handbag, pulls out a makeup mirror and gives it to the cop. He stares at it for a few seconds and says “Why didn’t you tell me you were a police officer?”

Suddenly they see robbers coming towards them. The father is afraid that they will take the jewels and the camel, but the daughter says to him: Daughter: -Daddy, let me hide the jewels where only a woman can hide them. So she hid the jewels, and the robbers took the camel and left. The father is walking on with a sad face, and the daughter asks him: Daughter: -Daddy, why are you so sad? We saved the jewels, didn't we? Father: -Oh, my dear daughter, if your mother were here, we would have saved the camel too.

That would be a turkey vulture. Still likes to hunt, just can’t take down live prey.

Ann drew.

The Two! The OneTwoThreeFour!!!

A migration to the cloud

So the president of the local HOA wanted to find out how his 6 month old’s future would be. To test this, he set out a broken pair of headphones, a torn up photo, and an empty stick of deodorant. If the baby chose the broken headphones he would grow up to have the most horrible and obnoxious voice imaginable. If the baby chose the torn up photo he would grow up to look ugly as sin. And if the baby chose the empty stick of deodorant then he would grow up to always smell horrible. The baby crawled around and ended up grabbing all 3. The president of the HOA said “Damn, just like his father”

Satellite Dish.

Its the only way to get A head

The one from his mama.

For all his hard work he is allowed to ask God one question. He asks, “Will fusion power ever be economically feasible?” God says, “Yes, but not in my lifetime.”

Between the dog and the marriage, now I see 2 things that will be dead in 10 years.

After weeks of this, the kiosk owner finally asks: "Why do you only look at the front page and never read the rest?" The man replies: "I'm looking for an obituary." Confused, the owner says: "But obituaries are in the back pages, in small print." The man calmly responds: "The one I’m waiting for will be on the front page."

One of the pigs fell out and a guy drove by and saw him. He picked it up and put it in his car and hurried to catch up to the truck. On the way he drove past a state trooper. He was speeding so the trooper pulled him over. He said "why are you going so fast?" The guy explained he was trying to catch up to the pig truck. The trooper said "oh yeah I saw that truck. It's too far ahead for you to safely catch up. So what I want you to do is take that pig to the zoo" the guy agreed and left. The next day the trooper is there in his spot and he sees the guy drive by with the pig in his car so he pulls him over again and says "hey didn't I tell you to take that pig to the zoo yesterday?" And the guy said "yeah, and I did, but we had such a good time at the zoo I thought we'd go to the beach today"