YZXFILE 4 year.agoTwo bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don’t know, I thought you were watching."
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Put Velcro on the ceiling and tell it to jump
Horses
"Dad!!" my daughter screamed. "Mike is lovely!" "I know." I replied. "I was talking to him."
Spray and pray.
It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.
Nothing, don't give a shit if either get fired.
I asked, "Excuse me, do you have a pen?" She replied, "Yes, why?" I said, "Well, you better get back in it before the farmer realizes that you've escaped."
Over 200 years, yoghurt develops a culture
Now it doesn't work. Then I painted white, hoping it would work hard. Now the whole system is corrupt. Then I painted it yellow, hoping it would fix itself. Now the drivers have crashed.
Now she's got two dead dogs.
It's weird because they usually pick cotton.
whipped cream
Nicaragua
Hand him a used tampon and ask what period it came from
Just ask Gianna Bryant.
...The secretary says, "We don't allow blacks at this club." However there's a club 10 minutes down the road that take blacks. "Furious, Bolt replies "do you know who I am? I'm Usain fucking Bolt!" "Oh, sorry, " replies the Secretary. "In that case, it's 5 minutes down the road! " ___ xpost - r/sickipedia
Paul Walker made it to at least 90 before he died.
If god is black and we are supposedly all his children then makes it sense that we never see him.
The execution.
Crime stoppers.
A white woman watching it on tv
Jk it's just clones of turtles.
Under the sea!
so that when people say "are you fucking retarded" I can say yes
A Sandy Hook survivor.
The pilot comes out and says, "We need to get rid of some extra weight. Let's go in alphabetical order... starting with... the Africans." Nobody comes out. "Okay," the pilot says. "Are there any *black* people on board?" Still, nobody makes a move. The pilot, getting a bit frustrated asks, "Okay, how about *colored* people?" A little black boy in the back turns to his dad and asks, "Daddy, aren't we all of those things?" The boy's father replies, "No, son. Today we're niggers. The Mexicans can go first."
So I came in 𝘩𝘪𝘴 girlfriend.
Whales are majestic creatures.
The judge asked the man to sit down and to refrain from making any noise. The judge continued, "And that also on the 17th of September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead?" "Guilty." said the man in the dock. Again, the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat!" At this point the judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?" He replied, "He is my next door neighbor." The judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from anymore comments." The man replied "No, your Honor, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer and both times he said he didn't have one!"
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