Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

...you've technically witnessed a race related shooting

She never saw it coming.

Tough shit

Worst prostate exam I ever had.

“My wife is the most suspicious person I know,” the guy shared with a sympathetic friend. “If I come home early, she suspects I want sex. And if I come home late, she suspects I’ve already had it.”

Mechanic asks, “What’s the problem with your car?” Guy says, “Look inside”. Mechanic looks inside and says, “All I see is a lamp”. Guy says, “Yeah, it’s a Slavic made lamp but the bulb is Native American.” Mechanic: “So?” Guy says: “It’s a Czech Injun light.”

And backed up over a vampire.

With all the new tariffs they can no longer afford French kissing.

I'm fucking baffled

It was a business doing pleasure with you.

I ride the bus

"I've got good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" "Give me the bad news first." "You have two weeks to live." "Two weeks to live?? What can the good news possibly be?" "I bowled a 290."

She was lack-toes intolerant.

If you accidentally hit a parked car, just write "Sorry" on the back and leave it on the windshield.

I wasn't a fan and to be honest, I don't know what all the hype is about. However, the rest of the pie was nice.

Volkswalken

It turns out that “cyber truck” is South African for “Ford Pinto”.

You should have seen the look on their faces when I said, "My money's on the one with the knife."

" That's not how a Sobriety test works "

A fellow and his girlfriend have been dating for some time but haven't gone all the way because the girl is afraid of his length. After a lot of begging and cajoling, she finally agrees, provided he promises to only enter halfway. Things progress, and the guy gets a little carried away and inserts himself fully. The girl, enjoying the fulfilling feeling, thinks if half is this good, maybe all would be better. "Darling," she says, "I know I made you promise to stop halfway, but if you want to go in fully, you may." Quick thinking boyfriend replies, "Oh no darling, I couldn't. A promise is a promise."

After giving them a look over the madam pulls the girls aside and says "Put them each in a room with a blow up doll, they're that drunk they won't notice." After they were done and walking back home one of the men turns to the other and says "I think mine was dead" "Dead?" the second replied. "Yeah, she was cold and didn't move or make a sound" The second man then goes "Well I think mine was a witch" "What? Why?" The first man replied "Yeah a witch. When i bit her ass she farted in my face and flew out the window."

"You better work!"

I told her, "The one from Sesame Street." She replied, "He doesn't count." I said, "Oh, I assure you, he most certainly does."

Frustrated, the conductor sarcastically says, "if a musician is too dumb to play any instrument, they give him two sticks and make him the drummer." The drummer then answers, "true, and if he is too dumb to do even that, they take one of the sticks away and make him the conductor."

Found this odd gem in an ancient text file. Haven't seen it anywhere else! A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs. Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?" The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber."

The young college students on their first date drove to a country festival. As they were returning the guy stopped the car, turned to his date, and after making some subtle advances, suggested that they get naked and spend some time together in the back seat. “OK,” said the girl, “but I have to let you know that I’m actually a prostitute, and this will cost you $150.” He hesitated but reluctantly agreed, gave her the money, and they made love. After they had finished and had put their clothes back on, the guy just sat motionless in the drivers’ seat. “Aren’t we leaving?” the girl asked. “Well,” said the guy, “Not quite yet. I’m actually a cab driver and the fare to and from the festival is $150.”

that night the husband comes home & extols the virtues of "shaving down below". The mum shaves & a few days later the child wanders into the bathroom again & enquires "where's your sponge?" The mum thinks quickly again & says "I lost it, could you help me find it?" & proceeds to think nothing more of it. Two days later the child comes running into the house frantically, when the mum asks what the hurry is the child says "I found your sponge!!". Intrigued, the mum says "oh, ok, whereabouts exactly did you find it?". The child replies "I was playing with Timmy next door when we heard some noises, we went to see what it was & when we looked in his parent's bedroom, Mrs Jones was washing dad's face with it!"

**Because it’s their tightest material.**

You were warned about your car’s warranty expiring.

Because seven eights ass