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avatar Genius_Mate 3 year.agoWhile walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the senator. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "There's no need! I want to be in Heaven," says the senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator, the doors open, and he rides the elevator down, down, down. When the doors open again, the senator finds himself in the middle of a beautiful green golf course. In the distance is a club, and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in formal dress. They run to greet him, and they reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil, who is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before the senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up, and the door reopens in Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. So 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by, and St. Peter returns. "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now, you must choose where you want to spend eternity." He reflects for a minute and then answers, "Well, I would never would have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better satisfied in Hell." So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator, and down, down, down he goes into Hell. Now, the doors of the elevator open, and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. And it's hot, hot, hot, and the odor is just horrible. Sweltering hot. Hot and miserable. The Devil comes over to him and smoothly lays his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "The day before I was here, and there was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is is a wasteland full of garbage, and my friends look miserable." The Devil looks at the senator, smiles, and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us."

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Why are autistic people bad at being homeless?

Because they can't accept change.

2. "Knock, knock, knock,knock,knock,knock,knock,knock"

"Who's there?" "Michael J Fox"

3. a boy asks his mother what dark humor is and his mother asks: are you seeing that cripple?

then the son replies: mom I'm blind and mom says: exactly

4. I hate double standards!

Burn a body at the crematorium, you're being a, "respectful friend." However, do it at home and you're, "destroying evidence."

5. Did you know that women are funny too ?

Take a look at their women’s rights,these are fucking jokes

6. Heroin addicts are so stingy

Every time I ask for some they only give me a spoonful

7. Dark Humor is like food

Never mind, you probably won’t get it

8. The amount of corona virus patients should be in half

Because women are objects

9. What does a tree and a dog have in common

They both fall down when you hit them with an axe

10. I've found out how to make Windows run faster.

I installed the French version.

11. Women have one right

And one left

12. What's the best comedy subreddit?

r/thefairersex

13. What’s black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Steven Hawkins in a house fire

14. What do we want?

A cure for stut stut stut stu stu st st st.... screw it, the cold!

15. Who you gonna call

16. What do you call a gay abortion?

A wet fart

17. What's better than winning gold at the special Olympics?

CRAYONS!!!!!

18. What starts with S, ends with Y, and is something black people hate.

Slavery.

19. My neighbour and her new boyfriend both have osteoporosis.

They met on snapchat.

20. You're a cunt

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21. Old Ethiopian proverb:

You can't have your cake or eat it.

22. What do you call when a gay person gets 3rd degree burns?

LGBBQ

23. Wanna hear a funny joke?

Women’s rights.

24. What do you call black comedy?

Dark humor

25. If my girlfriend had a dollar for every time I made a sexist joke...

she would have $0.77

26. What's black and screams really loud?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

27. "I bet it hurt when you fell from heaven, didn't it?" I asked the girl at the bar.

"Yeah" she laughed, "but what can you do?" I said, "You could have tried landing on your feet rather than your face."

28. What animal has five legs?

A pitbull coming from a playground.

29. Joe Biden must be getting hit the hardest by COVID-19

He can’t smell 12 year old girls hair anymore

30. Society is like eating an oreo

Everyone treats the black part preferentially but its the white part that they enjoy the most

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