Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

She said it would cost me $150. I said I didn't have that much, and we were going to have to go to an ATM. When I got back from the ATM, I informed her I didn't require her services any more. "Why not?" "Well, that was actually a sperm back, and I just made a night deposit."

So he won't be spotted

Husband: Work today was terrible Wife: Why, what happened? Husband: Well, I stuck my d*ck in the meat slicer… Wife: Oh my god! Are you okay??? Husband: Yeah, but I got fired... And so did the meat slicer

He sits down close to the musician right by the counter and orders a beer. The bartender serves him, but as soon as the man tries to take a sip out of his glass, a monkey zooms in, pisses in the glass and disappears behind the counter. The bartender seems to not notice. The piano man keeps playing unfazed. Unhappy, the man orders a second beer, but wouldn't you know it, once more the monkey shows up just in time to pee in the glass and run away. He orders a third beer and this happens again, so the man has just about enough. He turns to the piano guy and asks: "Hey, do you know the monkey that's pissing in my beer?" And as he keeps playing his tunes, the piano guy nonchalantly answers: "No, but if you whistle it I can play along with you!"

The bush only tastes like piss for a second.

or as they called it, a punchline.

So I simply avoid anyone who might have one.

One asks: Do you like jokes about planes? The other one replies: No, because they never land.

Me: "I met this gorgeous woman while on vacation in the Islands." Friend: "Nice, where is she from?" Me: "One of those islands down there. Can never remember the name. Starts with a J" Friend: "Jamaica?" Me: "Nah. She wouldn't put out"

One goldfish ask the other, “Do you have any idea how to drive this thing, or fire the main gun?”

He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"

Two sex workers are comparing their worst clients. One says, “Mine paid me in pennies and called it ‘trickle-down economics.’” The other laughs, “That’s nothing—mine asked for a discount because he ‘finished the job himself’ in thirty seconds!

Barium.

They told me to "dress for the job I want rather than the one I have," but somehow going in an astronaut suit wasn't "appropriate" for an accounting job.

They're all so tight-lipped about it.

Both are thinking "Oh no! My mom's gonna kill me!"

"No" said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar Bill. He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly. She then asked "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No I haven't" he said with an anxious tone in his voice. She gave him another sexy little smile pulled up her skirt, seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation. "Now" she said "Have you ever seen 50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?" "No way" he said, becoming even more aroused and excited to which she replied: "Go look in the garage."

The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.” "And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy. “Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body." The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?” "These are 'babouches' my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet." "So tell me then," added the boy. "Yes, my son…” "Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?

After I reversed my car from over her leg In my defense, she asked me to break a leg at work.

I think my dyslexic girlfriend is cheating on me. She keeps texting me that she wants to do Alan.

It doesn't take a single soul

(says in feminine voice): haaaaaaaaaaayyyyy!

Son: How do stars die? Dad: An overdose, usually.

The difference is pull start or push start.

Hey guys, my best friends name is allison. Her name rhymes with nothing. My name rhymes with everything. She came up with an admittedly hilarious and very mean nickname for me the other day (all in good fun) and we are trying to make one for her now too. I'll take anything no matter how inappropriate. This request broke 2 different AI generators because I guess AI is bad at being mean, so now I'm turning to the professionals, please help us reddit.

Danny Fentanyl

to D.E.I

Two guys watching a flint Michigan basketball game. One guy says “man this Flint team is really good, what are they putting in the water over there?” The other guy says “lead”.

What do you call an incarcerated illegal immigrant while they’re in the states? Locked in alien.

I missed coworker said I didn't make it. I replied neither did he.