GenesisWorlds 2 year.agoA woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you. Don't bother coming after me.”Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone. "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like." He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote... "I can see your feet. We're outta bread: be back in five minutes."
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It was Reese’s niece’s thesis on feces.
My German mate isn't the brightest. I asked him if he knew what number comes after 8. He said no.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Because he heard the drinks were on the house.
Won’t be making them any longer. Bummer.
You marry her
*loophole*
What the world really needs is a windshield wiper that won't hold parking tickets.
They drop more bombs than Lockheed Martin.
Eventually she will have to run out of pepper spray
Old Grimes is dead, that good old man, We ne’er shall see him more, For what he thought was H2O Was H2SO4.
“We used a team of bees to lure the criminals to the scene and catch them in the act. It was a honey pot sting operation.”
The game was between the rodents and the insects. In the first half, the rodents were doing well, but in the second half, the centipede really pulled the weight of the insect team and ended up winning the game for them. After the insects were done celebrating, the spider went up to the centipede and said, "you did great, but where were you during the first half of the game?" The centipede replies, "I was putting on all of my shoes!"
I saw a job advertised for the cleaning company dealing with a very large skyscraper, cleaning all the mirrors in the building. I thought, there's a job I can see myself doing.
It's a bolognaese
He's really TARIFFIED!
Beat it
He apparently did not.
They let out little prosti-toots
1-2 years, unless you explain that "change" means "replace" not "redesign".
Either way, I’m too hard to read.
When my whole family was panicking in the hopsital because Grandpa needed blood. He reassured us by screaming 'Be positive' until his last breathe.
That he often went barefooted, so the bottom of his feet were rock hard. He often went on hunger strikes so he was weak a lot of the time. He was very religious and in touch with his spiritual side. Due to him traveling around and a hunger strikes his hygiene quite often suffered. One could even say that he was... A super callused fragile mystic with extra halitosis. (Say the last line out loud quickly)
In a wiki wiki
King Pong.
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Rick O'Shea
>! Conjunction of the Spheres !<
... no canaries there either.
It's a huge missed steak.
more jokes Here waiting for you
best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
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