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avatar Mindless-Process-629 29 day.agoThree women die together in an accident and go to heaven......

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. a boy asks his mother what dark humor is and his mother asks: are you seeing that cripple?

then the son replies: mom I'm blind and mom says: exactly

2. I hate double standards!

Burn a body at the crematorium, you're being a, "respectful friend." However, do it at home and you're, "destroying evidence."

3. Did you know that women are funny too ?

Take a look at their women’s rights,these are fucking jokes

4. Heroin addicts are so stingy

Every time I ask for some they only give me a spoonful

5. Dark Humor is like food

Never mind, you probably won’t get it

6. The amount of corona virus patients should be in half

Because women are objects

7. What does a tree and a dog have in common

They both fall down when you hit them with an axe

8. I've found out how to make Windows run faster.

I installed the French version.

9. Women have one right

And one left

10. What's the best comedy subreddit?

r/thefairersex

11. What’s black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Steven Hawkins in a house fire

12. What do we want?

A cure for stut stut stut stu stu st st st.... screw it, the cold!

13. Who you gonna call

14. What do you call a gay abortion?

A wet fart

15. What's better than winning gold at the special Olympics?

CRAYONS!!!!!

16. What starts with S, ends with Y, and is something black people hate.

Slavery.

17. My neighbour and her new boyfriend both have osteoporosis.

They met on snapchat.

18. You're a cunt

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19. Old Ethiopian proverb:

You can't have your cake or eat it.

20. What do you call when a gay person gets 3rd degree burns?

LGBBQ

21. Wanna hear a funny joke?

Women’s rights.

22. What do you call black comedy?

Dark humor

23. If my girlfriend had a dollar for every time I made a sexist joke...

she would have $0.77

24. What's black and screams really loud?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

25. "I bet it hurt when you fell from heaven, didn't it?" I asked the girl at the bar.

"Yeah" she laughed, "but what can you do?" I said, "You could have tried landing on your feet rather than your face."

26. What animal has five legs?

A pitbull coming from a playground.

27. Joe Biden must be getting hit the hardest by COVID-19

He can’t smell 12 year old girls hair anymore

28. Society is like eating an oreo

Everyone treats the black part preferentially but its the white part that they enjoy the most

29. What’s the difference between a baby and a pizza?

I don’t fuck the pizza before I eat it

30. What's the similarity between criticizing Xi Jinping on Reddit and in China.

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