Luxodad 23 day.agoThe promiseA fellow and his girlfriend have been dating for some time but haven't gone all the way because the girl is afraid of his length. After a lot of begging and cajoling, she finally agrees, provided he promises to only enter halfway. Things progress, and the guy gets a little carried away and inserts himself fully. The girl, enjoying the fulfilling feeling, thinks if half is this good, maybe all would be better. "Darling," she says, "I know I made you promise to stop halfway, but if you want to go in fully, you may." Quick thinking boyfriend replies, "Oh no darling, I couldn't. A promise is a promise."
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Now it's 9:44, and my wrist is killing me
A blind man comes to the beach. He unpacks his bag and starts blowing up a rubber doll. A mother is sitting nearby and hisses at him: "How dare you unpack your sex doll on a public beach? There are children here!" He turns bright red and stammers:" I'm sorry, I thought ... Damn, so I've been shagging my air mattress all winter!"
Paddy O’Reilly is driving down a country road when he happens upon youn Kevin, slowly shuffling alongside the road, with his head down. “And why is that you walking alone, all consumed in thought, Young Kevin?” “My mom died, yesterday”, Kevin explains. “I see. That’s tragic. Should I ask Father O’Malley to come over to comfort ye?” “No thanks, Mr O’Reilly. Sex is the last thing on my mind right now”?
Little Johnny is out in the yard with his dad one day and he sees Dad light a cigarette. After watching him for a few seconds, Johnny asks, "Daddy, can I have a puff of your cigarette?" Dad looks at him and says, "Does your dick touch your asshole?" "No, sir." Johnny answered. Dad says, "Then no, you can't have a draw off my cigarette." A short while later, Dad pops open a can of beer. Johnny again watches him for a few seconds then asks Dad, "It sure is hot out here. Can I have a drink of that cold beer?" Dad repeats the question, "Does your dick touch your asshole?" Johnny sheepishly replies, "No, sir." "Well when it does, I'll give you a beer." Soon after, Johnny pulls some candy out of his pocket and starts eating it. Dad says, "Give me a piece of that candy, Johnny." Johnny, seeing his opportunity, asks hid dad, "Well, Daddy, does your dick touch your asshole?" Dad looks at him with a smile and says, "As a matter of fact, son, yes, it does!" Johnny smiles back and tells him, "Good, you can go fuck yourself!"
I'm never doing that again. I'm going back to whipped cream.
The more I miss da meaner I get!
You call her
They told me that if I keep up what I'm doing they'll take me on a waterboarding trip to Guantanamo Bay. So excited!
So I chose "Snow White and the 7 Dwarves".
He would drown.
Call it foolish pride, but I refuse to do anyone else's bidding.
Your wife has to chew before she swallows
A big misunderstanding ensued.
They had been spent 24 hours straight on this until they got too tired and decided to call it a day
Then tell me why - girls fear cockroaches more than guys?
They were un-ovoid-able
Because it’s made of Cryptonite
Just like yo momma.
When I woke up the next morning my dick was in the kitchen making me breakfast.
“Vhat do you mean?” he replied. “It’s the thing vith arms and legs that gets me everywhere I vant to go!”
The slogan? "When it comes to fine dining, we go hard."
After some preliminary discussions, they got to their main agenda item: Why are there so many more blonde jokes than redhead jokes? The RedHead Executive Board had hired a panel of “dark hairs” to investigate this over the previous year and as they approached the stage to give their report the room grew silent in anticipation. As they started the presentation, they noticed looks of utter confusion on the faces in the audience. So they began simplifying things, with only faint flickers of comprehension appearing in the crowd. They decided to punt and get to the bottom line. Their conclusion was brief and, given the audience, used only simple words: “Comedians work hard to make up funny stories about silly things that blondes could do. But for you redheads, the stories are all true.”
The ICU
Well, her coach was a pumpkin..
Those who can count and those who can't.
So that’s where I put my foot down
Our two heroes, Fast Freddy and Slow Sam, partners for years, digging further and further into the mountain on their golf claim. After many years of making a meager living finally hit the jackpot and find a huge deposit of gold and after loading up their mule, they are off to town to sell their gold and celebrate. After some discussion they decide they are going to have sex with all the ladies at the brothel one right after the other. First to go after flipping a coin is Sam. "Wham...Bam...Thank....You.... Ma'am" says Sam, and he moves onto to the next "Wham...Bam...Thank...You... Ma'am" next one "Wham...Bam... Than... You... Ma'am" Now Freddy is very excited and starts down the line after his partner 'wham Bam thank you ma'am, wham Bam thank you ma'am, wham Bam thank you ma'am, wham Bam sorry Sam, wham Bam thank you ma'am "
I’ll call it No Loafs Refused.
His name was gothlaith
Ein Stein
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