Priests are telling their alter boys to hold them close.

She walks into an Internet café to send an e-mail to her mom back home. She doesn’t know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: “Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mom?” "Sure," he says to her, “But it will cost you.” The blonde says, “Sure I’ll do anything for my mom.” “In that case, follow me.” She follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers. “Well go on then, you said you’d do anything!” So she grabs his penis, holds it up to her mouth and says: “Hello… mom are you there?”

Genital Contractors

It was the biggest pho queue I’ve ever seen.

She hands him mail that arrived and as she leaves the office says to her husband. "Switch back to the porn, you already know how to play golf."

Did you know that Mary Poppins has stopped using lipstick before giving blowjobs? That's because super colour fragile lipsticks makes the dicks atrocious.

He notices Wonder Woman sunbathing nude on the rooftop of a luxurious hotel suite, so he thinks to himself; "Hmm, if I can fly faster than the speed of light, I can probably have sex with her and she won't even know what happened!" He swoops down to where she is, does the deed, then flies away with a big smile. Startled, Wonder Woman says, "What the hell was that?" "I don't know but my ass hurts," replied The Invisible Man.

The idea was you had to dress up as an emotion. The doorbell rings, and at the door was a guy dressed completely in blue. "What emotion are you supposed to be?" I asked. "Blue." He said, "I'm sad." Doorbell rings again a few minutes later, and there was a woman completely in green. "What emotion are you supposed to be?" I asked. "Green - I'm green with envy." She said. A few minutes later, the doorbell rings again. Standing there was a guy, completely naked, with a broken bottle up his ass. "Uh. What emotion are you supposed to be?" I asked. "Oh, me? I'm just fucking disgusting."

A flappuccino.

A square root.