It'd blow if they had to sell their organs

At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At least they're finally together." A guy sitting in the front row asks, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?" The priest says, "I mean her legs."

But when I bring nine guys named Jesus into town, I get charged with alien smuggling.

Someone exclaimed "He is rizzin'!"

He wouldn’t have been crucified, instead we would be celebrating him getting stoned.

Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I touched a man’s private parts.” The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?” She replies, “My right hand.” The priest instructs her to dip her right hand in holy water and say ten Hail Marys. The second nun steps in and confesses, “I touched a man’s private parts with my left hand.” The priest gives her the same penance. As the third nun is about to enter, the fourth nun pushes ahead. The priest asks, “Why did you push ahead in line?” She responds, “Because I want to gargle the holy water before she sits in it!”

She was too mennonite.

He’s *Rizz-en*!

Cross.

The Catholic one, because of all the potpourrie.