zahi36501 18 day.agoAn army general is newly stationed in a desert post. On his first day, he calls for a soldier to show him around. While doing this, he notices a camel randomly tied to a tent..He asks the soldier, "Soldier, why is that camel tied to the tent?" The soldier looks awkward and answers: "Er, well Sir, as you know there are no women on the base so er, the camel is there for when the men get certain.... um...urges" The general nods in understanding and says, "Well I don't condone this behaviour, but I suppose I understand" A few weeks into the post, the general starts feelings these urges himself. He calls for the soldier to bring the camel to his tent. He then goes outside, gets a stool, and has wild animal sex with the camel. After he's finished, he climbs confidently off of the stool and sees the soldier staring at him, wide-eyed. "So" the general says with a grin, "Is that how you boys do it here?" The soldier answers, still wide-eyed, "No Sir, we usually just ride the camel into the nearby town where the women are"
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So, my gf blew me two days ago. The next morning, her breath was rancid. She said it smelled the way my dick tasted. So, this morning my breath was so so bad. I reminded her the last thing I had was her cooking. Anyway, long story short, I am single now.
A restraining order
Small cute, and I’m probably gonna bang it on my coffee table
The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.
...I’d just found $5,000 in the parking lot...
Xi Jinping, head of the Communist Party in China, calls up President Trumo with an emergency. He says "Our largest condom factory has exploded! My people's favorite form of birth control. It's a diaster! So the American President says "Xi, the American people would be happy to do anything without our power to help you." So Xi says, "I do need your help. Could you possibly send one million condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?" President says "Certaninly I'll get right on it." And he says "Oh, and one more favor please?" "Yeah." "Could the condoms be red in color, at least 10 inches long, and at least 4 inches in diameter?" President says "You want'em all the same size?" Xi says, "Yeah, 10 inches long, 4 inches in diameter, red in color." Trump says "No Problem." He hangs up the phone, he calls the president of Trojan and he says "I need a favor. You've gotta make one million condoms right away and send'em to China." Trojan guy says "Consider it done." President says "Great. Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10 inches long and 4 inches wide." Trojan guy says, "Easily done. Anything else?" President says "Yeah, one more thing. Print "Made in American, size small on each one." This joke was from Joe Bob Briggs on Shudder.
Two jews were fighting over a penny
[removed]
Husband: tell me something which will make me happy and sad at the same time wife: your dick is longer than your friends
Because you know that they can't fight back
The only time paedophiles get home delivery.
Guess, women slipped to 3 now.
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out of a window.
Trans Atlantic slave trade
Because women know that men deserve better.
Having to drop the bomb on her twice, before she gets it.
Me: "Bitch you should be making oats!"
Made a coonskin cap
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
It was great turning it into a 3v1.
Old enough to mount.
the police
He was hiding in the bushes and when a child would pass by he was like "hey kid, wanna buy a candy?"
I cry when I cut onions.
Aliens vs. Predators
Except at a funeral.
He orders a beer.
Cut off one leg and make it run across Canada.
restaurant in peace
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