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avatar ElieAJ21 16 day.agoA genie tells a woman she can have 3 wishes, but the husband will get everything 10-fold.

- I want 100 mil $ - I want an IQ of 160 - I want a minor heart attack

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Breaking news a manatee was mating with another manatee

Never mind it was a really fat woman being raped

2. What's the difference between Cecil and Al Sharpton?

Cecil is an African lion Al Sharpton is a lyin African

3. Did you hear, Covid-19 killed George Floyd

All respirators were already in use at the hospital

4. The only B-word you should ever call a woman is beautiful

Bitches love to be called beautiful

5. It turns out that the police kneed black people, after all.

6. Why do police men go the protests early?

To beat the crowd.

7. What do you call a man in the dark who is following you

A black man with the whitest smile

8. What do you call some one who calls people

A white woman calling the cops on black people named karen

9. Whats the difference between jeffery epstein and a catholic priest

Because one did not kill himself and the other has touched little boys

10. What are the fastest runners

Jewish people getting gasses

11. Help writing joke for alcoholic friends obituary

My friend died this week of complications related to alcoholism. We are writing his obituary which is written with generally a serious tone. But, he was a very funny guy and we think the best way to honor him would be to make a small joke about his issues. This is definitely very crude...but any ideas?

12. How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

12 One to screw it in, one to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination, one to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination, one to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like", one to deconstruct the light bulb itself as being phallic, one to blame men for not changing the bulb, one to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it, one to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs, one to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs, one to advocate that light bulb changers should have wage parity with electricians, one to alert the media that women are now "out-light bulbing" men, and one to just sit there taking pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.

13. You wonder what a little girl does on christmas day

She wakes up hoping to see a family sitting at the tree getting presents but she is an orhoan and has one present left for her wher eits a baby doll with a string attached to it and she pulls it back and lets the message ring but instead she hears ”Jeffery Epstein didnt kill himself” and then hears ticking afterwards which the orphanage blows up

14. When a black man died, everyone starts stealing and looting

Funny how that works

15. Black lives mattered in the 1800s too

If too many of them died, it would drive the market prices up

16. What's the difference between a girl and a fridge

A fridge doesn't moan when u put meat in it.

17. All this looting is great, it’s like Black Friday again!

18. 1.Knock knock

2.Who’s there 1.Rey 2.Rey who 1.Reycist scum bag

19. Why do some people have broad noses?

To breathe like bitches.

20. Apparently, Stephen Hawking is British.

I had no idea, his accent threw me off.

21. The only n-word you should ever call a black person is nice.

Niggers like to be called nice.

22. Given the times in America cops really are a

Pain in the neck

23. If hot air goes up, then why do farts go down?

Because Donald Trump needs more air to keep talking out of his ass.

24. how many police does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

none. they beat the bulb for being broke and arrest the room for being black (creds: justaboy/YT)

25. What do you call two gay Irishmen?

Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick

26. What do George Floyd and Colin Kaepernick have in common?

They both went out on a limb by taking a knee for Black lives

27. Ugly people be like "This mask requirement to enter businesses shit is great, are you sure it's safe to take 'em off?"

28. Wanna go dumpster diving?

I say we hit Ramsey County Medical Examiner first.

29. I finally understood why they're calling it "peaceful protesting"

Because they're breaking windows into pieces and each person gets their own piece of the loot

30. She said choke me daddy,

so i took her to Minneapolis.

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