Gil-Gandel 16 day.agoMirrorAnother\* time in old China, a poor farmer happened on a mirror, dropped by a traveller by the side of the road. He peered at it curiously, for he had never seen one before, and to his surprise he saw the likeness of his late father, dead twenty years ago. "What a remarkable gift the gods have bestowed upon me!" exclaimed the farmer; and he set about building a shrine at the back of his barn, where the image could be kept in safety. His wife became suspicious at the amount of time her husband was spending behind the barn, and one day when he was working in a distant field she went to look, and she found (as she though) a little love-nest with a picture hanging up in it. On viewing it she wept in jealous fury over the fickleness of men, "and how," she demanded, "could my husband devote himself to such an ugly cross-patch as this?" When he came home she angrily confronted him over his illicit affairs, and grew all the more wrathful at his absurd excuses, until the noise of their quarrel attracted a passing priest. "What is the cause," demanded the priest, "of this disturbance which so affronts the peace and harmony of Heaven itself?" "My husband has taken up with a trollop, and keeps her likeness here to gaze upon!" screeched the wife. "My wife has gone mad, and mistakes this portrait of my sainted father for a woman!" protested the husband. The priest inspected the evidence and shook his head in wonder. "You are both wrong. This is the likeness of a devoted monk, wise and venerable. I know not how you could mistake so holy a face." And to save further strife, the priest took the contentious image away to the nearest monastery, where it could be kept in safety. \--- \*See "Rope" for the first of these.
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...wondering how they will get across. The first one decides to pray saying "God please make me smart enough to get across this river." so God turns her into a brunette and she swims across the river. The second also prays saying "Dear God, please make me twice as smart as the last girl so I can get across this river." So God turns her into a red head and she builds a boat and rows across the river. The third also prays "Dear God, please make me twice as smart as both of those women combined." So God turns her into a man and she walks across the bridge.
The Jew, business before pleasure.
To prevent Hispanic attacks.
She kept screaming her age.
My name, my address, my phone number...
Dylann Roof is now being questioned by Police after shooting 9 black people dead in one day. Charleston police chief Gregory Mullen said, "He went a little overboard with this unique style of job application, but we'd still like to take him on."
The mediterranean sea.
His Best
A white guy goes into a plastic surgeon and says, "I want to be a black man." The doctor replies, "Alright, but in order to turn you into a black man, I'm going to have to darken your skin by 70%, reduce your brain mass by 30%, and add 4 inches to your penis." The white guy eagerly agrees to this and goes in for the operation. After the operation, the doctor says to the formerly white guy, "I'm so sorry... there was a mix up in your surgery notes. I ended up darkening your skin by only 30%, reducing your brain mass by 70%, and deducting 4 inches off your penis. Is there any way that you could ever forgive me?" The former white guy replies, "Gracias Senor."
Acne waits until you're 12 before it comes on your face
Your mom can't take an offensive joke.
Because there are targets on every corner.
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
None. They can’t change anything.
Because he couldn't keep his Lilly alive.
Along with 500 passengers and an entire jet
the ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
...has never seen footage from 9/11.
You can’t pull her hair while you’re raping her
[removed]
According to his parents, he accidentally used the guest shower
Ignored, the attention seeking twat.
His foster family have obviously raised him to be a little prick...
I went to pick her up, and she fell for me instantly. It was a rough start, but after that - we were on a roll.
I remembered something my dad used to say to my mom, so I walked over to her and said, "Get a fucking grip, you stupid bitch."
I texted back, "Ok, see you when you get here!"
They found his head and shoulders behind the couch.
He only cums once a year
And then Wham!
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