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avatar arseflare 12 day.agoA man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.'

He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back yard. The man goes to the yard and sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there. "Do you really talk?" he asks the dog. "Yes," the Labrador replies. After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story." The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I was sold to the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eaves dropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years". "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals". "Then I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired." The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog. "Ten quid," the owner says. "£10? But your dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?" "Because he's a lying bastard, he's never been out of the back yard."

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. I did a stand-up comedy gig for Alzheimer's sufferers. It was brilliant.

Two hours, one joke.

2. What do you call a Black person who was born in Tokyo?

a Japanegro

3. Why do women get yeast infections?

So they can see how it feels to live with an irritated cunt

4. A plane a day keeps the world trade centre away.

5. The guy that convinced Stevie Wonder that he needed sunglasses,

must of been one hell of a salesman.

6. I passed a joint to a Muslim girl and asked if she wanted to get stoned.

She ran away screaming.

7. How many cops does it take to screw In a lightbulb

None they beat the room because its black

8. What’s Ethiopia’s national food?

Daddy’s rotting corpse

9. Cops shouldn't kill blacks...

...until hunting season opens & they can fill their tags.

10. My understanding is that I'm white

But if I was black I would have a wider range of jokes available hopefully people like them here

11. What do you say at a funeral of a suicide bomber?

Rest in piece .

12. Why are there so many female history teachers?

Because bitches love to bring up the past

13. How many black guys does it take to start a movement?

-1

14. Apparently my sister desired to be held by a man.

So I held her at gunpoint.

15. Suicide bombers

What makes them tick?

16. Where do suicide bombers go when they die?

Everywhere.

17. When I travel, I always keep my drugs inside a little tub.

No customs officer is going to anal cavity search a fat eight year old boy.

18. Stephen Hawking was arrested for faking his death.

He's just been charged.

19. What do you call an Arab dairy farmer?

A milk sheik.

20. I’ve got a nose like a Frenchman.

It won’t stop running.

21. Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar

“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”

22. It really annoys me when people take the piss out of my retarded midget girlfriend.

It's not big and it's not clever.

23. I went out to a restaurant last night and I ordered the chef's special.

He sent out his spastic son to dribble into my soup.

24. Dieting is really easy

As long as you're poor

25. What’s a cancer patients favourite coffee?

Cappuchemo

26. How does a Slovene escort get the "Einstein" visa to the USA?

Misspell "Epstein."

27. How do you call a zoophile after lighting him/her up?

Furry in a hurry.

28. Wives are like grenades.

Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

29. Why do riot police get up early?

So they can beat the crowds

30. Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?

She didn’t see anything wrong with it.

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