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avatar danielsoft1 12 day.agoThe first thing a man looks at in a woman is her heart.

It's not his fault her tits block the view.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. What do you call a kid with no arms and no legs?

The perfect rape victim!

2. What is the only problem with the new netherite armor?

You might get shot by the police.

3. How about instead of Black or All Lives Matter...

...we go with Human Lives Matter? That way, it excludes the niggers.

4. What’s the difference between a gorilla and a black guy

The gorilla has a dad

5. What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

6. Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

You can’t take pills on an empty stomach

7. Stop saying that your life is a joke.

It's not, jokes have meaning.

8. What is the national bird of iraq?

The drone

9. How can you tell if a Mexican is having a seizure?

Listen for maracas

10. What's the fastest land animal in the world?

A Jew with a coupon.

11. Spreading a woman's legs is like spreading butter...

It can be done with a credit card, but I prefer to use a knife.

12. What does LGBTQ stand for?

Let God Burn Them Quickly

13. What's the difference between santa Claus and a Jew?

Santa Claus goes down your chimney

14. Why can't chinese people play baseball?

They would eat the bat

15. What’s the difference between garbage and an Irish girl?

Garbage gets picked up

16. My Grandpa, he always had it hard on my generation...

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, *your* generation relies too much on technology!" I then proceeded to unplug his life support.

17. Can you spare just $2?

Ranji is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia. He only has 1 leg, 1 arm, and 1 eye. Each day, Ranji has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes, and only the opposite pedal. If you send just $2, I’ll send you the video, it’s fucking hilarious.

18. I’m never gonna sell cotton candy in a black neighbourhood again. Especially when I told the kids that they can pick it themselves

Dialogue: Thor Lorgen

19. I wish my back yard lawn was emo

Then it would cut itself

20. Two priests are out driving one day

when they get pulled over by a police officer. The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver "Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters" The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says; «Alright officer, we'll do it»

21. How many people with alzheimers does it take to change a lightbulb?

To get to the other side.

22. A black kid complimented my shirt.

He said, "Nice shirt faggot." I replied, "Thanks, it's 100% cotton. Tell your grandparents I said thanks."

23. My grandma died just six days before my birthday

Which of course made me extremely upset when my birthday came around, because I had nothing to wish for.

24. I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you."

So I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right.

25. What do you call an IT teacher who touches his students

A PDF file

26. If a Muslim beats his wife...

is he charged with assault, or child abuse?

27. What's the difference between /r/MeanJokes and your mother's cunt?

Your mother's cunt gets some new content every once in a while. Seriously, the amount of reposts going on in the past few months, both comments and posts, is sickening.

28. I asked a Chinese girl for her number.

She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

29. Whats the difference between a Glock .45 and my cock?

Kid stops crying when the gun goes off in it's mouth

30. Whats the difference between yogurt and America?

If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture

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Welcome to Joker King – Your Daily Dose of Happiness!

Here, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!

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