OZFox42 8 day.agoA 90 year old man was having his annual check up while his family was standing by in the waiting room.During the check up, the doctor asked him if he was having any issues with wetting the bed at night. The man responded, "No doc, no issues at all with that. On the contrary, when I go to the bathroom, a fairy or something turns the light on when I open the door. And after I finish going to the bathroom, the fairy or something turns the light off for me. It's really wonderful!" The doctor looked concerned and scribbled some notes about this and continued on with the check up. After the check up, the doctor went out to the waiting room where one of the man's family members asked him how the check up went. The doctor responded, "Well Ma'am, his check up went OK. Physically, he's as healthy as can be for a 90 year old. But mentally, I'm worried he's coming down with dementia or something." The lady, with a concerned look on her face asks, "Why do you say that?" The doctor responded and said, "Well, during the check up, he told me that when he goes to the restroom at night, a fairy or something turns on the light when he opens the door and that same fairy or something turns off the light for him when he finishes. I'm just a little concerned about his mental health." The lady with a horrified look turns to the rest of the family and says, "Oh no, Grandpa's been pissing in the fridge again!"
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I don't know, I just fly the fighter jet.
I'll begin: "ARE YOU READY, KIDS?"
Apparently, the politically correct term is "conjoined twins"...
A: Gagged
The trick is to always act surprised. Source: Frankie Boyle
Smile. I’ll count them.
...I said, "your wife wears a burqa, your 3 daughters all wear burqas, doesn't it get a bit confusing around the house?" He said "yes of course, last week I went upstairs in the night and accidentally had sex with my wife!" __________ Subscribe to r/sickipedia if you liked this joke
I'd have $1.74
Our thoughts and prayers go out to the hospital staff at this difficult time.
This kid asks his mother "am I more Jewish or black?" His mother replies "You shouldn't think of these things like that... Why do you care?" Kid tells his mother "Well, Billy Marcus down the street is selling his bicycle for $40. I wanted to decide whether to Jew him down to $20, or just steal it tonight."
He knows where all the naughty girls live
Because her mother always told her to enjoy the little things in life.
Blame the Russians
"All of mine sucked"
no one likes the black ones
So they don't get mistaken for feminists.
Santa goes down the chimney.
He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, I'm tired of handouts, I want a job." The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter. You'll have to drive around in a big white Mercedes, but the suits, shirts, and ties are provided. Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. The salary package is $200,000 a year." The black man said, "Ah c'mon, you're bullshitting me!" The man behind the counter said, "Well, you started it!"
But have you ever made it all the way through an Ariana Grande concert without wanting to kill yourself?!
You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
"Is it because she cares about women's rights?" She asked. "No," I answered, "It's because she is fat and ugly."
You know he’s there because he’s guilty.
All the colors are straight.
You see her face everywhere
She did, so I wrote: "Samantha gives great head" on the gent's wall.
A man comes up to him and punches him in the face. "That was for Pearl Harbor." "What? That was the Japanese. I'm Korean." "Chinese, Vietnamese, Burmese... it's all the same." The Korean punches him back. "That was for the Titanic." "What? I'm Jewish." "Steinberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg, iceberg... it's all the same."
Caitlyn Jenner
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